Both Sides Now
by X-magicalmystery-X
Summary: When some stray magic throws you 20 years into the past with no warning and no visible means of return, you know you're having a bad day.
1. Chapter 1

_Can't forget to breathe slow_

_Count from one to ten with my eyes closed_

_'Cause ladies take it in and get composure_

_Before I lose it get composure_

It wasn't supposed to hurt like this. She was supposed to leave the past in the past, where it belonged and move on, undamaged. Yet here she stood, barely able to breathe for the pain in her chest. She had been tortured less painfully than this. She watched as they sat together talking quietly, away from anyone else, the perfect little couple. As far as they were concerned she didn't exist. He at least had forgotten her. Hermione downed her glass of champagne wishing she had something a little stronger, just to take the edge off.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked quietly, following her eye line. She turned her gaze towards the dancers in the room but it was useless. Her eyes were drawn right back to the pair in the corner. She was holding his hand now. It was too much.

"Yes I'm fine" she said, gently squeezing Harry's forearm "I just need to go to the bathroom, won't be a minute"

He nodded, knowing better than to pursue this any further, and let her leave, knowing she would struggle to stay there much longer.

Once inside the bathroom Hermione ran her wrists under the cold tap and splashed some water on her face. She took a couple of deep breaths and closed her eyes. She pressed her forehead against the cool mirror and tried to find some sort of composure. Her mind wandered back to the day that all of this had started and breathed deeply again knowing that tears were only seconds away.

* * *

Hogwarts was a mess, barely more than a pile of rubble really. Hermione picked her way through the debris, wand in hand. The battle had ended perhaps six or seven hours ago. Harry, she knew was sound asleep, Ron too had needed some rest. She had tried to sleep but her brain wouldn't quiet down. Initially she had wanted to help with the recovering of missing people and the identification of bodies. But when every body had a name and every missing person had been found, Hermione still could not rest.

At some point Ron had taken her to one side and asked her not to think too much of the kiss they had shared, he said it had been a heat of the moment thing. He didn't want to rush into anything serious if it would risk their friendship. She had agreed.

They had been told not to start rebuilding the castle just yet. Filch had been sweeping up in the Great Hall but Professor McGonagall had warned them against any kind of magical rebuilding. The risk of some sort of accident was far too high while they were all so worn out, besides a battle on that scale would leave pockets of residual magic which had the potential to be a little unpredictable.

So Hermione just wandered and wondered why exactly Ron's rejection didn't hurt very much. She supposed exhaustion and the impact of war may have numbed her a bit. Even so she was probably supposed to feel something and she just couldn't. Even when Ron had first told her, her only real thought had been 'oh'. She couldn't even pretend to be surprised.

"Hermione?" She heard Ginny's voice a few feet behind her. She and Harry were stood just inside the doorway of the Gryffindor common room. "You look terrible"

Hermione gave a dry laugh "Don't sugar the pill Ginny" she said sarcastically "Just say what you think"

Harry frowned "She's right though, you don't look well Hermione." He moved nearer to her eyeing her critically, taking in the dried blood matting her hair from where she had fallen earlier. Her clothes were singed from the fire in the room of requirement and covered in blood from her numerous injuries. Barely a square inch of skin was free of bruises or cuts. "Have you seen Madame Pomfrey?" She shook her head

Ginny sighed "When was the last time you actually slept?"

Hermione frowned and rubbed her eyes "I don't know…maybe the day before yesterday"

Ginny tutted and put her hands on her hips in her best imitation of her mother "Hermione Granger, get yourself inside that common room and get some sleep right now"

She was too tired to argue so she said nothing and just stumbled through the door before collapsing on the nearest sofa. Ginny pulled off her slightly tattered cloak and draped it across Hermione as a kind of blanket.

"Be careful of loose magic" Harry grinned "It doesn't seem to be dangerous but it has turned Professor Flitwick ginger and Ron woke up wearing a dress, so keep an eye out if you can"

Hermione barely heard the end of the sentence, she had already dozed off. Not yet relaxed enough to loosen her grip on her wand, she drifted into a fitful sleep. Harry and Ginny crept towards the door, determined to leave her in peace. As they reached the door another wave of magic swept past. Magic is a peculiar thing, it obeys none of the laws of physics. It certainly doesn't just diffuse itself without a little persuasion, it hangs around particularly well in old buildings, collecting and mutating and washing over people. The wave of magic Harry and Ginny encountered created a sensation something akin to standing ankle deep in the sea and feeling the outgoing tide shift the sand under your toes. In the split second after the feeling had passed there was a peculiar noise, like the last of the water draining out of a bathtub and then there was silence. They stared at each other and laughed at each other's startled expressions

"Did you hear that Hermione?" Ginny giggled

Hermione didn't reply, not even a snore answered Ginny's question

"Hermione?" Harry called. Still there was no response. Ginny strode back to the sofa Hermione had curled up on and gasped, she turned to Harry with a face whiter than a sheet.

"She's gone" she whispered.

* * *

Lily Evans heaved a great sigh "James I've got en exam in half an hour, I haven't got time" She was desperate to be left to do some last minute study in her room but James and his friends had dragged her down to the common room and were attempting to pull her out of the portrait hole. Only Remus had realised that this was likely to be a long argument. He had sat down in the nearest armchair with his book to wait it out.

James rolled his eyes "Evans, chill out, it won't take you ten minutes, just come sit in the grounds with us. Cut loose once in a while, it won't kill you"

Lily huffed and folded her arms "no but it might cost me an exam"

"Just give up James" Sirius black intervened, ribbing Lily good-naturedly "You know she's allergic to fun"

Remus Lupin peered over the top of his book, watching the scene in mild amusement as Lily opened her mouth to give a scathing retort but never managed to make a sound. A moment of complete silence surrounded them, stilling them all. Then there was a sort of pop and out of nowhere, a sleeping figure appeared, curled up on the sofa.

Lily screamed and Sirius swore loudly. James was frozen for a moment before he grabbed Lily's hand, "we need to go and get Dumbledore" he shouted and the two of them bolted out of the portrait hole.

Sirius and Remus were left alone with her. Thankfully most exams were over by now so the other inhabitants of Gryffindor tower were out enjoying the sunshine. The minute or so of silence before the others returned gave Sirius and Remus a chance to actually get a close look at her.

"Not bad" Sirius grinned, "she's definitely fanciable"

Remus sighed "do you ever think of anything else?"

"What else is there?"

Remus shrugged, having this conversation with Sirius was beyond pointless really. Now that he looked at the girl though he started to panic, far from trying to gauge her attractiveness, he began to notice how damaged she looked. Her face was gaunt and pale, excepting the purple and red hues of her recent injuries, and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was wildly messy and stained deep red with blood. He reached out and gently touched her hair.

Sirius flinched "What are you doing Moony? You don't know where she's come from"

"She's not a mongrel padfoot," Remus whispered, staring in horror at the blood staining the tips of his fingers "and she's hurt"

Thankfully at that moment Dumbledore swept through the doorway, closely followed by Lily and James.

When Hermione woke, it was because of a feeling that she was being watched. She immediately sat up with her wand in her hand. Her reflexes were still lightning fast. It took her a moment to take in what she was really seeing.

To begin with she thought Harry and Ginny were watching her, she was still sat on the couch in the Gryffindor common room. But then she noticed the four other faces staring at her. Remus Lupin, looking considerably younger and less scarred, Peter Pettigrew, just as rat-faced but with all of his fingers. She knew this couldn't be real because she had seen both of their lifeless bodies only a couple of hours ago. She was even more reluctant to believe that Dumbledore and Sirius Black really stood before her. In fact she may have written the whole thing off as a dream if it weren't for the very real throbbing pain in her head.

James Potter, who should by rights have been dead for near on 20 years, watched her very carefully. He anxiously pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose "Um miss?" he said tentatively "You can lower you wand, we won't hurt you"

She looked helplessly at Dumbledore "what's going on?" she whimpered

"I was rather hoping you could tell us" he replied, putting his hand on hers and gently but firmly forcing her to lower her wand. She looked at Dumbledore's hand resting on her own and then back up at the group and then back down again. All of this suddenly felt horrifyingly real. The room began to spin and suddenly everything went black.

**A/N: Ok so I know time turner fics have already been done but I really love them and I just really wanted to write my own slant on it. The bar has been set pretty high by the ones that have gone before, so I will be happy if this turns out to be even half so good :) (I've set myself the added challenge of trying to begin every chapter with lyrics from a song in my itunes library)**


	2. Chapter 2

_Regrets collect like old friends,_

_Here to relive your darkest moments,_

_I can see no way, I can see no way,_

_And all of the ghouls come out to play._

When Hermione woke up this time she was somewhat more reluctant to open her eyes. Confident as she was that she had been hallucinating earlier, it had all seemed frighteningly real. She was vaguely aware that she was no longer asleep on a sofa; someone had moved her to a bed, in the infirmary she thought. Maybe she had been concussed, people did imagine things. Voices were whispering near the foot of her bed, she strained to hear them.

"Where do you think she came from?" whispered one voice "She's not student I've ever seen before"

"Dumbledore thinks she's the result of an experiment in time travelling" this was a girl's voice "It would explain why she looked so terrified"

"You'd look scared if you'd gone to sleep on a sofa and woken up with a load of strange people staring at you" This third person was obviously smiling.

A fourth person nearer to her this time said "A time travel experiment wouldn't damage her this badly. Where did she get all these injuries from?"

Hermione willed herself not to feel sick. The voice nearest hers had been so familiar that it had sent a chill through her whole body, it was Remus. There was no pretending she didn't recognise it, a door opened and closed a few feet away.

"Is the patient awake yet?" asked another voice which could only belong to Albus Dumbledore.

Screwing up whatever courage she could muster she opened her eyes. And then she shut them again, screwing them up tightly. But when she opened them again she was still very definitely there, with all of them staring at her curiously.

"This is real then" she whispered

"I'm afraid so" Professor Dumbledore nodded gravely, before turning to the others "I was wondering if it would be possible for me to have a few words with the young lady alone"

They all nodded and shuffled out, though James and Sirius seemed determined to hang back to try to overhear something. Eventually, though, the door closed behind them and Hermione was left alone with Dumbledore. She tried to speak but a wave of nausea swept over her, she only just managed to grab the bowl off of the nightstand before she vomited.

"I'm so sorry" she gasped, trying to catch her breath

"It's understandable my dear, by the sound of it you've had quite a day, might I ask your name?"

"Hermione Granger, Professor, I don't know how this happened, time travel isn't possible over more than a few hours is it?"

His brow furrowed "not normally, no, do you have any idea how far back you've really come?"

She glanced at Madame Pomfrey's office; she knew there was normally a calendar next to the door. From here she could just about make out the year. She swallowed and fought back the second wave of queasiness threatening to engulf her "About 21 years sir"

He nodded, looking remarkably unruffled by this news "Can you explain how you think it might have happened?"

She tried to think back, she was still so tired that it was a little difficult to organise her thoughts. She knew she couldn't say too much "We'd just fought a war against the death eaters at Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall said that there might be some residual magic, every now and then you would feel it and then something weird would happen. I think I got caught up in a cluster of it."

"I see"

"Sir, do you think there is any way I'll ever get back?" she sounded desperate

He looked sad "No one has yet managed to travel to the future, probably with good reason I'm afraid"

"But I can't stay here" she was verging on tears now "what if I start changing things by being here?"

"I suspect there is nothing you can do about that Miss Granger, even if you try. I would ask you, however, to try to keep your knowledge of the future to yourself. I take it from your shock when you first saw us that we will meet again in the future?" she nodded "It would perhaps be best for us to keep that between us"

He rested a hand on hers as she blinked to prevent her tears from spilling over "You will not be abandoned Miss Granger, the school will lend you some money to get you on your feet and I suspect you already have some friends amongst the Gryffindors, I'll warn them not to ask too many questions" He left.

Harry was in shock. Ginny had burst into tears twice. A ministry expert had managed to survey the area and confirmed that she hadn't ceased to exist; she would just reappear in that exact same spot at some point in the past. He put a trace on her wand and with an amazed expression informed them that Hermione had been sent back about 20 years.

"But there must be something we can do to get her back" said Harry desperately

"No one's ever travelled forwards through time" Ron frowned.

Fred Weasley groaned "Ron, that doesn't mean it can't be done"

"It just means that no one's yet succeeded" George finished.

Harry sat up "do you think we can bring her back then?"

"If all of the order does a Hermione and hits the books, we must be able to find something" Ginny smiled, rubbing Harry's shoulder.

"Sooner rather than later" Harry sighed, getting up "anything could happen to her, God alone knows what might happen as a result of this. We'll just have to hope nothing's happened yet."

At that moment Padma Patil burst through the door and into the room, gasping for breath and wild-eyed "Professor Lupin just sat up"

"What?" Mrs Weasley gasped "Remus is dead. I checked his pulse myself"

"Not anymore he's not" said Madame Pomfrey grimly, only just catching up with Padma "He suddenly started breathing again, then he suddenly sat up. He says he wasn't hit by that curse after all, he says he deflected it"

"But I saw it hit him" said George

Padma heaved a sigh "well you can tell him that if you want but he's unlikely to listen to you he's too busy _walking around_"

**A/N:** So here's another chapter! Hope this is ok, I couldn't believe how nice everyone was about the first chapter, I really wasn't expecting such a positive response. Virtual cookies to **lavonne1962** for being the first ever reviewer for this story. But huge thanks to **GEEKSFORTHEWIN** (which is possibly the best username I've ever seen), **Sampdoria**, **BrightestWitchofHerAge16**, **Valkyrie Evans**, **Marine76** and **Alenor** for the encouragemnet you gave me in your reviews. I actually did a happy dance when I saw that you liked the first chapter. Thanks as well to everyone who subscribed (I'm assuming that's the right term) and apologies if I spelled anyone's names wrongly.


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm talking in circles  
I'm lying, they know it  
Why won't this just all go away_

When Hermione finally met the Marauders it was with no small amount of trepidation. She was terrified she would say something and give everything away. It didn't even occur to her to worry that they wouldn't like her. She dressed herself behind the hospital wing screens and perched on the end of the bed taking a few calming breaths and trying to talk herself out of the panic that was building in her chest.

'Ok Hermione, you're in trouble. You've been in trouble before and you've been fine. It's true that you've never been quite as deep in the shit as you are now, but you'll manage. Just keep your head down as much as possible. Try not to greet Remus with a "Hello Professor" or Sirius with a "hello padfoot, good to see you alive again" and everything will be gravy'

She had been so busy trying to calm herself that she hadn't noticed the others as they entered the hospital wing. The boys hung back but Lily edged forwards looking at her curiously. She was beautiful, Hermione realised, with wavy auburn hair, large green almond shaped eyes and clear ivory skin. The others weren't too bad either, she thought taking a look at them. James really could have been mistaken for his son, but for his eyes. She just about concealed her shudder of revulsion as her eyes passed over Peter Pettigrew, they landed instead on Sirius. He was leaning arrogantly against the door post looking, in his leather jacket, almost breathtakingly handsome. He winked at her and ducked her head to hide her blush. She hadn't expected Professor Lupin to be so handsome, it had never occurred to her to wonder what he used to look like; he looked something like a young Liam Neeson, just the right side of rugged.

"Hi, I'm Lily Evans" Lily held out her hand, Hermione shook it

"Hermione" she smiled "sorry if I gave you a bit of a shock earlier"

Sirius let out a bark of laughter "you scared the crap out of her"

James nudged him "At least Evans didn't try to jump into my arms"

Sirius looked offended "I did nothing of the sort"

Remus grinned "yes you did, I saw you"

"Anyway" Lily interrupted loudly "Dumbledore explained what's happened, don't worry, we've promised not to ask any questions. I can't imagine what you must be going through, but we'll take care of you…if you want us to of course"

Hermione nearly cried at such unexpected and unrestrained kindness. "I'd like that, thank you"

"Dinner's not for another hour or so" Sirius offered her his hand "where would the fair lady like to go?"

She accepted his hand and hopped down from the bed with surprising ease given her still tender injuries and smiled "I'd like to go to the library please"

His smile slipped and he stepped back a little "In that case Evans is the one to help you, I pride myself on never setting foot in that place"

Hermione laughed "I thought as much, I'm sure I'll manage"

As she reached the door she stumbled slightly and nearly fell, a pair of hands caught her with almost lightning speed and set her back on her feet. She looked up into the bright blue eyes of Remus Lupin; he was smiling shyly at her.

"Thank you" she was blushing again. Behind them Sirius was pretending to swoon and fall into James' arms.

The six of them made their way to the library, Sirius, James and Remus were unusually rowdy. Peter said nothing, Hermione noticed that like most quiet people, he said little but heard much. He had the look of someone who was taking in as much information as possible and then mentally filing it away for later, his very presence made her uneasy. Lily chatted away next to her, obviously trying to make her feel at home. Hermione supposed she could at least tell Harry that his mother was one of the sweetest women she had ever met.

At one point they passed through the entrance hall, it was so strange to see it in all its former glory. As far as Hermione was concerned, just a few hours ago it had been little more than a ruin, rain pouring in through the gaping hole in the roof. The shock made her stop in her tracks, Sirius walked straight into the back of her.

"Everything alright?" James asked, watching Hermione's pale face as she looked around her, from here she could see the spot where they had found Lavender Brown's body.

"Yes" she gave herself a mental shake and forced a smile onto her face again "just déjà vu I think"

"Well in that case" said Sirius, who had only just regained his balance "can I ask for some warning next time, not that I didn't enjoy the close physical contact"

"I just bet you didn't" She narrowed her eyes at him, but couldn't keep the laughter out of her voice.

Only Lily, Remus and Hermione actually stayed in the library. The second they arrived, Hermione cleared all of the shelves containing anything even remotely related to time travel and sat cross-legged on the floor in the middle of several stacks of books so high that they virtually obscured her from view. She was so engrossed in her research that she didn't notice when James and Sirius came to collect them for dinner.

"Um, Hermione? Are you coming to dinner?" said Remus tentatively, peering over the top of her paper fortress.

"hmm?" she answered, looking up from a scrap of parchment she was scribbling on "Oh yes, of course, just give me a second" She finished her writing, folded the parchment up and charmed it. Then she seized a book called 'Time travel for Dummies' and tucked the parchment inside. "All done" she said, standing and brushing herself off.

It was only as she stood up that she realised just how high her books had built. The highest volumes nearly came up to her shoulders. "Oh" she said "Um, I've bricked myself in"

"Not a problem" grinned Sirius, nodding at Remus. Each of them grabbed one of her arms and between them they lifted her clean over the top of the pile. Her laughter earned her a glare from Madame Pince.

Harry and Ron were virtually tearing their hair out. It had been more than 24 hours, the entire order and half the ministry had been working solidly and not one person had found even a hint as to how they could bring Hermione back.

Ron let out a frustrated growl and kicked the book nearest his foot across the room. The spine of it hit Harry in the shin.

"OW!" Harry shouted, rubbing his leg and grabbing the book. He was just about to throw it back to Ron when a slip of paper with his name written on it fell from between the pages. He opened it curiously.

'Harry, it's Hermione. I've put a temporary concealment charm on this note so that only you would be able to read it. I just hope you'll find it. Rest assured I'm safe. I think you probably know that I've been sent back in time, I can't tell you more than the fact that for now I'm still at Hogwarts, exactly 21 years in the past. Dumbledore has made me promise not to change anything; no matter what I do I won't be able to prevent any of the horrible things that happened to you. Please don't hate me Harry. I'm trying to find a way to get back to the right era, none of the books I've found have been very helpful so far. Don't go blaming yourself Harry, it's just the sort of silly thing you'd do, this is nobody's fault and I might even find a way back yet. In the meantime, I'll miss you all. Hermione.'

**A/N: YAY! Another Update! I've just realised that there are a few things I need to sort out because a lot of this story is going to be built on me tweaking a few basic parts of the books (nothing too bad I promise) 1. Remus and Tonks never got married, that scene between them in the hospital wing after Bill was attacked did happen but they never actually officially acknowledged their relationship (if that makes sense) 2. because they weren't a cuple Tonks didn't die in the battle and 3. Fred never died either (because I'm sorry JKR but that was really uncalled for).**

**In other news, I wanted to thank everyone again for your support...I'm already above 10 reviews which is amazing. Anyway, review and let me know what you think :)  
**


	4. Chapter 4

_I need some sleep  
Time to put the old horse down  
I'm in too deep  
And the wheels keep spinning 'round_

Hermione was curled up in the armchair nearest the fire in the Gryffindor common room. It was nearly three in the morning but she just couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes images of the Hogwarts of her era littered with the bodies of this era were burned into her eyelids. The one time she had drifted off even briefly she had dreamed of Harry, Ron, Ginny and all the Weasleys and woken up crying with homesickness.

In true Hermione tradition she had decided to make the most of the time she could not spend sleeping and distract herself from her worries. Once again she was surrounded by books, desperately trying to find something that might help even slightly.

Time crawled by as she tried book after book and got nothing. Dawn was creeping through the windows and the fire had died down to embers when the portrait hole swung open. James, Sirius and Peter stumbled through yawning and looking as though they had not slept all night either. They didn't notice Hermione as they passed her, they just walked up the stairs to their dorm and disappeared from sight.

They looked so young, unaware of the horrific fate that would greet them in the next few years. Looking at James she couldn't help thinking of Harry. Homesickness swamped her again and, combined with her horror at the fact that she could do nothing to change the fates of her new friends, it was too much. For the first time she allowed some tears to escape.

The portrait hole opened again and Remus all but crawled in, exhausted and grey faced. He stopped short when he saw her in the chair, trying desperately to hide her face as she wiped her eyes.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, carefully making his way over to the sofa next to her and collapsing onto it.

She nodded and forced a smile again "Yes, I'm fine"

He raised his eyebrows "No you're not. Is there anything I can do?"

She let out a strange choking sound, whether a sob or a laugh he couldn't tell but she reached across and squeezed his hand "Just homesickness, that's all. I'll be alright" She noticed the dark circles under his eyes and how far he had slumped. "You don't look well though, are you alright?"

"Just tired" he said "It's been a long day"

"It's understandable" she nodded, starting to gather up her books from the floor "The full moon must be a difficult time for you"

He had frozen where he sat, any remaining colour had drained from his face and he stared at her wide eyed. It took her several moments to realise her mistake, she carried on chattering nonsense until suddenly she noticed that he wasn't answering her. She glanced at him, and dropped her books as her own stupidity hit her.

"Remus I'm so sorry" she gasped

"How did you know?" he wheezed

She panicked, tears filled her eyes "I noticed a couple of your scars and I heard Sirius call you Moony earlier. But I knew tonight was a full moon and I used to have a friend who was a werewolf, I recognised the signs"

"Was it obvious?"

"Only to me, because I knew what to look for" she reached tentatively across and squeezed his hand again "I won't tell anyone, honestly"

He was staring at her hand "you're not scared of me" he almost seemed to disbelieve his own eyes.

"Of course I'm not" she said earnestly, kneeling in front of him and forcing him to look directly at her. "It's not your fault. It's horrible that you have to go through this pain every month and I just wish I could do something to help. You have to believe me though Remus, you're a good man and you're not defined by your lycanthropy"

The relief on his face was almost heart breaking. "Most people would have run a mile or formed a lynch mob or something"

Something akin to anger sparked in her dark eyes "most people are idiots Remus. Most people would have my wand taken away because my parents were muggles. You have a right to a normal life just like anyone else, Remus, and I will personally punch anyone who says otherwise."

He actually laughed and hugged her tightly in relief. "I should go up to bed" he said "I have to be up early tomorrow. Thanks, though Hermione"

She grinned and started to gather her books back up "Any time" He headed up the stairs "Remus, don't let the bastards get you down"

He let out another startled laugh and carried on up the stairs.

Hermione carried on tidying up muttering to herself 'Well done Hermione, just spill everything, while you're at it why don't you tell him that you know about James' invisibility cloak?'

* * *

About 40 miles south of Hogwarts, there's a house on a hill. It's old enough that nobody is really sure where it came from. It used to overlook a tiny muggle village but the villagers have long since gone. The shell of the village burned down a few years, the house now looks out over a pile of soot and stone. The house itself is blackened and rickety, like the horror house of children's stories, it wouldn't be surprising to find a family of skeletons living in the basement. Inside it's cold, damp and dark, no one in their right minds would choose to live in such a place. This is probably why it's such a useful meeting place for Voldemort and his followers.

The Dark Lord himself has fashioned a sort of throne out of the only chair left in the place with all four legs. He sits there, like a King surveying his lands, listening to his death eaters grovel. Today he was in a good mood; someone had just told him some rather fascinating news.

"And how did you say she got here?" he murmured, stroking nagini's head

"Some sort of freak magical accident my lord" replied the man before him, in the silky tones of a man who knew he was about to move up in his master's estimations

"If she really has travelled back that far, she must know how our quest will end. If, by some miracle, we are defeated by Dumbledore and his band of muggles, she will know how to prevent that happening" he smirked "She may be of some use to us, don't you think Nagini? What's her name?"

"Hermione, she's friends with the Gryffindors"

"Of course she is. Ask our little friend in the castle to keep an eye on her for now; we will know how to act" Lord Voldemort picked up the tiny body of a dead mouse and threw it to his snake. The death eaters tried to conceal their disgust as the snake swallowed the creature whole.

**A/N: When I started writing this story it was supposed to be a Hermione/Sirius one but it doesn't seem to be coming out that way...my pen obviously favours Remus. I WILL write a Hermione/Sirius fic one day. Anyway, this chapter is a little short so I'll try to make the next one a bit longer, in the meantime let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

_The tension is here  
Between who you are and who you could be  
Between how it is and how it should be_

Hermione had finally managed to drift off to sleep for a couple of hours, so drained that she didn't have the energy to dream. When Lily found her, she was led face down on her bed, her feet on her pillow and her hair so messy that it was completely obscuring her face. She was awoken by a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Hermione?" Lily whispered "it's nearly lunch time"

Hermione jumped and sat straight up, wand in hand. Lily leapt backwards and she felt instantly guilty "I'm so sorry" she said

Lily shook her head "things must have been pretty bad if you still sleep with your wand in your hand"

Hermione sighed "it's just taking a while for it to sink in that I'm not in any immediate danger"

"well" Lily smiled "you can relax for today, exams are officially over and I'm going to take you shopping for some clothes. You can't spend the rest of your life in those grubby jeans"

"You really don't have to"

"I know, but I want to" Lily seized her hand and dragged out of bed and down the stairs "I've got special permission from Dumbledore to take you into Hogsmeade so we're going to get breakfast there and have a nice girly morning. For a few hours at least you can forget about everything else"

James, Sirius and Remus were stretched out across the armchairs in the common room. They watched with wide eyes and the two girls bowled straight past them, Hermione with a slightly worried expression on her face.

"Oi! Evans!" James shouted "Where are you two going?"

Lily turned on her heel and ran back to them, pulling a startled Hermione with her and kissed James on the cheek "It's girl stuff, you wouldn't be interested. Come on Hermione"

Hermione, who had barely even had time to come to a halt, was spun round and dragged back out of the common room again.

In the past few years Hermione hadn't really had the time to be a girl. Danger had been ever present and there had been neither time nor opportunity for self-indulgence. Make up had rather gone by the wayside, along with clothes and minor things that she normally had to set time aside for like really styling her hair or plucking her eyebrows. There just hadn't been time to be girly so she had been one of the boys. Not that she resented it, even when she had had the time she had never been one of those girls who spent hours every day on her makeup and clothes, it just didn't make sense to her. Even so, the enjoyment she got out of having a good gossip and buying a few new things was overwhelming.

Lily was an expert on stretching money as far as it could possibly go. For a fairly small price she found Hermione a spare pair of shoes, several tops, a spare pair of jeans, skirts and dresses. Hermione had never managed to get so much from so little before. It was actually quite liberating to wear something that wasn't burned or torn or stained in some way. The satisfaction she got out of wearing a new summery dress, a little mascara and some sandals was enormous. By the time they stopped for lunch she was practically bouncing as she walked.

"So what are you doing when you've finished at Hogwarts?" she asked Lily as they seated themselves in the Three Broomsticks.

Lily smiled, her cheeks dimpling "I'm glad you asked me that, I'm going to train to be a healer at St Mungo's so I'm moving into a flat in London. The thing is it's provided by the ministry, they only have two bedroom flats and I don't want to have to live with just anyone. Is there any chance you might be taking a job at the ministry?"

Hermione sipped her drink thoughtfully "I can always speak to Dumbledore about it. I suppose I've got a fair amount of experience"

"Well speak to him about it, if you can get into the ministry or something you can come and live with me. We'd have so much fun" Lily was practically squealing she was so happy.

"We don't know how long I'll be here though; I could be gone next week"

Lily frowned "Well, I suppose if you go there is nothing we could do to stop it. But if you are going to be here a while, you'll need somewhere to live and I think we'll be good friends. As long as you need somewhere to live here you can stay with me."

"You've been so kind to me" Hermione smiled with misty eyes "all of you have, I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough"

"You can thank me by being my friend" Lily replied, handing Hermione a tissue to wipe her eyes "I've missed having a girlfriend, someone who doesn't tease me about reading or pull my hair or put stuff in my food to turn my face blue"

It was a lovely morning. Hermione only wished that Harry had been there to see all of this. She knew it wasn't her fault that she was here instead of him but she couldn't help feeling guilty about the fact that she was seeing all the things he had missed. At that moment they were passing Zonko's, the last shop in Hogsmeade before you reached the gates to Hogwarts, and she was struck with an idea. She dived into the shop, leaving Lily outside looking completely startled. When she re-emerged she was carrying a brown paper bag containing a disposable camera. If she could hide notes so that Harry could only find them on a certain day, she could hide photographs too.

"What's that for?" asked Lily curiously as they passed back through the gates.

"Well it's like you said" Hermione replied "I may be gone next week, but if I'm here for a while so I may as well make the most of it"

"Good" Lily linked her arm through Hermione's and they carried on towards the castle.

Hermione wasn't sure if Lily noticed a young Snape watching them from a few metres distance as they passed him by. If she had noticed his presence she did a very good job of ignoring it. Unnoticed by him, Hermione watched the expression of hurt on his face as Lily passed him by without a glance. He noticed Hermione watching him and immediately walls went up behind his eyes and he assumed an expression of mild distaste.

She couldn't forget his expression of hurt though; the image was burned onto the back of her mind. It joined the images of Lily and James' deaths, Sirius' imprisonment and Remus' body. She shuddered. She knew very well that wheels had long since been set in motion that would mean Lily and James' deaths could never be prevented. The very fact that a Sybil Trelawney existed meant that a prophesy would be made, Voldemort would catch wind of it, he would assume that it referred to Harry and that would be that. Hermione knew very well that it was accepted that, even before prophecies had been made, the events they foretold had already begun to unfold. All Hermione would ever be able to do was to delay the inevitable, nothing more. However circuitous the route became the outcome would not alter.

But perhaps she could make a difference, if only in small ways. Maybe, and she knew that this was a big maybe, she had been sent here because certain things had to happen and she had to see that they did. Maybe Sirius and Remus were supposed to survive. The thought was so shocking that she stopped dead in her tracks. Lily came to an abrupt halt too

"Hermione, you're ever so flushed, are you feeling alright?"

Hermione nodded and started walking again, deciding to think this over properly when she had time.

**A/N: Sorry for the slight delay on this one, encountered a little bit of writer's block but I'm fairly sure I'm past it now. That said, this chapter is a bit of a mileston because once this chapter is up I will have officially published 100, 000 words on so yay for that :)**


	6. Chapter 6

_She's walking down the street  
Blind to every eye she meets  
Do you think you'll be the guy  
To make the queen of the angels sigh?_

The girls had almost reached the castle doors before a shout from across the grounds made them jump. They glanced across to the lake to see the boys sprawled on the grass next to its banks.

Lily rolled her eyes "No peace for the wicked I suppose"

"Don't you like James' friends then?"

"They're good lads really, just a little boisterous. Not always good at knowing when to just stop and leave you in peace"

Hermione chuckled "Sounds just like Fre- some friends of mine" She physically bit her tongue; she could not believe she had been so stupid as to very nearly name the Weasley twins. She would have to be on her guard from now on. Two slip ups in as many days was unacceptable.

Remus watched over the top of his book as the two girls wandered down to meet them. Admiring the way Hermione's new dress swished around her knees as she shared a laugh with Lily. Unfortunately, he was so distracted that he didn't notice Sirius following his eye line. He jumped as he heard Sirius let out a wolf whistle

"My, my, Miss Hermione's looking rather lovely in her new clothes. Wouldn't you say Remus?" He was teasing and Remus knew it, he put down his book and pretended not to care.

"I don't like her" said Peter darkly "she looks at me like I've done something wrong"

"You think that about every one Peter" James said airily "Lily seems to like her, she's normally a good judge of character"

"She seems nice enough" Sirius mused

"She knows about me" Remus whispered, staring at his hands

The others swivelled to face him so quickly they nearly lost their balance. "How?" Sirius growled "who told her?"

"Nobody did, she worked it out for herself, she said she has a friend in her time who's…like me. She's promised not to tell anyone"

"How do we know we can trust her?" James was watching the approaching figure of Hermione with some suspicion now.

"I trust her completely" said Remus simply "I've never seen someone talk about it so calmly. She said I was a good person and I shouldn't be defined by it any more than she should be by the fact that she's a muggleborn."

Sirius was looking at Hermione with wide eyes as she sat down with Lily on the grass next to them.

"What is it?" she asked, patting her hair down self-consciously

"Did you really say all that to Remus?" James asked dumbfounded "About the fact that his furry little problem doesn't make him a bad person?"

Lily was staring at her now too. She could only assume that Lily knew the secret as well. Hermione beat back the blush that always accompanied people staring at her and lifted her chin as she looked at all of them.

"Yes I did" her tone was defiant "I refuse to believe that anyone should be treated differently as a result of circumstances that were beyond their control. Remus can't help being who he is any more than I can, so why should he be punished for it?"

The group was speechless for a second, Remus grinned "what was the other thing you said as I left?"

She giggled shyly "I said people can be horrible so don't let them define you. Don't let the bastards get you down"

"That is possibly the best phrase I ever heard" James roared with laughter "I think we should adopt it as our catchphrase"

Sirius just stared at her "I think I may actually be in love with you"

"No you're not" she answered drily.

In a fit of amateur dramatics Sirius threw himself to the floor, clutching his apparently wounded heart in agony, protesting that Hermione had wounded his heart. Remus and James immediately jumped in on the act with Remus fanning him with a dock leaf and James clutching his hand, commanding Sirius to 'stay with him'. Lily looked on and tried desperately not to look amused. Eventually Sirius flopped with his head in Hermione's lap and wailed

"Why do you spurn me, darling Hermione? Do you not love me too? I would go to the ends of the earth for you"

"I have no doubt that you would Mr Black, but would you stay there?"

The boys once again broke down into howls of laughter, even Sirius joined in once he had recovered from the shock of being rejected for the first time ever. They passed much of the rest of the day in that way. It was what Hermione had always imagined life in this time would be like. By the time they made their way up to the castle for dinner, Hermione's sides hurt from laughing.

As they made their way into the great hall a hush seemed to fall over the room. Yesterday Hermione had managed to sneak into and out of meals without being noticed. Today though, word of her presence seemed to have spread and the room hissed with people whispering behind their hands. She was surprised by how protective of her the boys were, Remus placed his hand on her back and gently steered her to a seat, sitting down firmly beside her while James and Sirius glared down any one daring to stare.

She had managed to make it almost to dessert without interruption and the fuss had died down somewhat, when a large hand landed on her shoulder with some force. She turned around to find herself face to face with the death eater who, in twenty years' time, would be responsible for Remus' death.

"Antonin Dolohov at your service, lady" he said smoothly, not noticing the look of revulsion on her face "I see you have been welcomed into Potter's little group but I was wondering if you might not enjoy the rather more sophisticated company of us Slytherins"

It took Hermione a moment to work out why he was even asking but then she realised that without her house robes, she had no obvious allegiance.

"I'm quite comfortable here thank you" she responded coolly

He scoffed "Even so, I'm sure you'd be happier with us rather than all these stinking Gryffindors"

She very deliberately set her cutlery down and stood up to face him "I am a stinking Gryffindor" she said loudly "and forgive me if I'm wrong but I doubt if you or any of your nasty little friends would welcome a muggle born like me at your table so back off"

It took him a second to understand her and barely more than a moment to reach for his wand snarling "You dare to insult Slytherin House, you disgusting little Mudbl-"

He never finished his sentence because as he had reached for his wand, Hermione had already grasped hers. James and Sirius had jumped to their feet enraged. But before any of them had even had the chance to act, Remus' hand had shot out and seized Dolohov's hand in a vice-like grip.

"Take a little time to choose your next words" He murmured dangerously, his eyes flashing "they may well be your last"

Dolohov muttered something darkly under his breath, wrenched his arm free and stalked back over the Slytherin table. The rest of the Gryffindor table continued to stare in silence at the normally docile Remus. Even he was looking a little startled by what had just happened.

"Where the bloody hell did that come from?" Sirius asked bewildered as he and James finally sat back down

"I don't know, it just came out" Remus mumbled, clearly embarrassed and a little bit scared "I've never felt so angry"

Hermione couldn't say exactly what made her do it but she slid her hand into his and squeezed gently. "He's gone now" she whispered "But that was really kind of you Remus, to stand up for me like that. Thank you"

He blushed and avoided eye contact with all of them and she quickly took her hand back but she could see her words had done the trick. He now looked quietly proud of himself rather than afraid.

A/N: HUZZAH! Another chapter! Fair warning now though, updates are probably going to be further apart for a while because I'll be starting my last ever year of university in a week, time is going to be a little bit stretched. anyway, review, let me know what you think :)


	7. Chapter 7

_And I've been a fool and I've been blind  
I can never leave the past behind_

Hermione was in the forbidden forest, running. She was running so hard that she was sure her lungs would burst but she knew very well that if she slowed down even for a second it would be the end of her. She reached a clearing and found she could go no further. She was blocked in on all sides by the same thing. All around her she could hear whispering voices and what sounded like wings. Just audible beneath the rush of noise was the sound of a low ticking, getting faster all the time. It reminded Hermione of the times as a child that she had stood on a chair in her grandmother's house and pushed the hands of the wall clock around and listening to the ticking noise as it sped up, trying to catch up as she made time move more and more quickly.

As she stood in the clearing gasping for breath the voices became more distinct, as though some were moving closer to her and then fading away. Circling her.

The nearest voice to her was James' "Just let us die…didn't even try to help…" he echoed strangely as though he was speaking from under water.

His words hurt "I'm so sorry" she wheezed, as she tried to catch her breath and tears filled her eyes "I don't know what to do"

Sirius' voice drifted past her now "Let me suffer in Azkaban for years…years…just left to rot. Why didn't you do something?"

Then it was Remus' turn "stood and watched as I was murdered on the battlefield…you didn't do anything"

She was sobbing now "I tried to help Remus, I'm so sorry"

"Murderer!" Lily's voice screamed, agonised "you could have saved all of us, our blood is on your hands…so much death. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED IT! It's your fault that Harry will have a life of suffering…poor Harry. My poor, poor boy"

Hermione fell to her knees, and curled up into a ball as each of their deaths and the image of countless others flashed before her eyes. Then the screaming started and Harry was calling her name, trying to call her home but she couldn't see him for their faces.

A strong pair of hands had gripped her arms and were holding her still, she fought against them but another pair of hands joined them and then a third pair was gently stroking her face.

She opened her eyes to see Lily and the four boys watching her wide-eyed. She was sweating, her heart was pounding and her hair was wet with tears. Remus was holding her still with Sirius' help and Lilly was stroking her hair.

"You were screaming" Lily whispered "I thought someone was being murdered"

They all stared as Hermione dissolved once more into tears. Remus pulled her closer towards him and she buried her head in his shoulder and wept until she was so exhausted that, without muttering a single coherent word, she fell asleep again.

"Does she wake up like this very often?" James asked shuddering

Lily shook her head, "she's never screamed before but she quite often shakes when she wakes up. I dread to think what she dreams about" she eyed the sleeping form with some pity.

"Does she always talk in her sleep?" Sirius perched on the end of Lily's bed next to James

Lily shook her head again "She says the odd word every now and then but they don't make much sense. Last night she was mumbling about you-know-who and how she wouldn't let him win. Most of the time she doesn't say anything" she inclined her head towards the stack of half read books at the foot of Hermione's bed "I don't think that that helps much, she spends every night reading about time travel until she falls asleep"

"D'you think she's trying to prevent something happening in the future?" Remus wondered aloud, still stroking Hermione's back "It would explain why she kept saying sorry"

"But you can't change the future" Lily frowned "Isn't there some kind of rule against that?"

Remus nodded "Novikov's principle. It means that no matter what you try to do to change things in the past; the outcome will always be the same"

"So, if she thinks there's a chance she could change things and she can't" James said slowly "she's torturing herself with guilt and blaming herself for every death from this point onwards"

"No wonder she's having nightmares" Peter said quietly, a strange look of understanding passing over his features.

For a moment they all watched the still trembling shape of Hermione. She was not a small girl, taller than average and far too curvy to really be called slim. Next to her Lily's tiny shape looked almost elf-like. Yet tonight, curled against Remus' chest, she looked little more than a child.

* * *

Harry was exhausted. The whole order was. They had spent nearly a week solidly researching trying to find something, anything that would help them bring Hermione back. Thus far they had come up against a solid nothing. Aside of course from the fact that Remus Lupin was continuing to defy all reasonable laws of nature by being very much alive, he just didn't seem to understand what was expected of dead bodies. He had even joined in the attempt to bring Hermione back, albeit significantly less enthusiastically than everyone else. Molly had pointed out how out of character for him this was and he had quickly replied that of course he wanted to get Hermione back with them. Even so, it wasn't the most convincing argument they had ever heard.

As far as he was concerned he had dodged a curse thrown at him by a death eater and had woken up in the Great Hall, completely unable to account for the time he had lost. The facts of Hermione's disappearance had barely even surprised him but when they pressed him for answers he clamped his mouth tight shut and refused to say anything.

Harry played with Hermione's time turner as he mulled all of this over. Yesterday he had realised for the first time that each of the gold rings around the central hourglass was engraved. When each of the rings was tilted at just the right angle they read

_'I mark the hours everyone,_

_nor have i outrun the sun,_

_my use & value unto you,_

_are gauged by what you have to do'_

It confused all of them until Professor McGonagall had pointed out that the inability of time turners to 'outrun the sun' mean that they would not travel forwards in time, only back. They would have to find another way to reach Hermione.

At that moment there was a crash from outside and Fred and George burst into the room Fred was clutching at a page they had torn from a book (Hermione would have had a fit) which he shoved in Harry's face.

"What is it?" asked Ginny impatiently, peering over Harry's shoulder "can we get her back?"

"Not yet" Harry said slowly "But they've found a way we can communicate with her"

On the scrap of paper, possibly the page of an old school textbook, the twins had highlighted a small paragraph near the bottom 'the majority of paintings are made with the use of magic, the effect of which can be quite powerful. Despite the fact that the subjects of such paintings are not living beings they are known to exercise a completely independent will and are not subject to restrictions such as time and space. This has led to certain paintings 'wandering' through time, most notably the painting of Sir Cadogan housed in Hogwarts castle. The famous knight often disappears for days at a time and seems to have enormous lapses in memory, often attributed to the fact that he occasionally revisits his own portrait mounting ceremony which took place in 1723"

**A/N: I was going to leave it a while longer before I posted again but the response to the last chapter was just amazing, huge thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'll potentially be without the internet for two weeks now so it may be a while again but keep reviewing, I'd really like to hear your comments**

**Also, I did a little research before writing this chapter, I am reliably informed that the time turner actually does have those words carved on it which I thought was interesting :)**


	8. Chapter 8

_Some people see the revolution but most only see the girl  
I can lose my hard earned freedom if my fear defines my world  
I declare my independence from the critics and their stones  
I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone_

When Hermione got the message she was walking through a corridor on her way to the Great Hall, dawdling behind the Marauders and Lily. She was trying to work out whether they had woken her up last night; she knew she had been in the midst of a horrific nightmare. It had stopped suddenly and she had seen, or thought she had seen, their concerned faces before she had sunk back into an exhausted sleep. This morning none of them had mentioned it, each of them acting as though absolutely nothing had happened. But they all looked a little bleary eyed from lack of sleep and Hermione was sure she could smell aftershave on her bed sheets, as though someone who had been sat there only a few moments before had just left.

It was as she was drifting through this train of thought that she heard a "psst!" from somewhere near her left ear. She started and raised her wand at the origins of the noise. Her eyes widened as she saw Sir Cadogan beaming at her from a portrait of a rather disapproving looking nun.

"You are the lady Hermione are you not?" he asked, leaning onto his sword so that it scraped unpleasantly across the stone floor of the painting

"Um, yes" she said, stowing her wand away and looking utterly bewildered. The others had noticed that she had stopped and were staring as she conversed with the portrait.

"My lady, I am at your service" the little knight bowed extravagantly and his visor slammed shut over his eyes. He pushed it up again and resumed their conversation with as many dramatic flourishes as possible "I have been sent on a quest by some friends of yours by the name of-"

"NO!" Hermione interrupted quickly, acutely aware that the others could hear every word he said "did they give you any way of knowing that they were who they said they were?"

"Well they did as a matter of fact" replied Sir Cadogan "The red headed rascal said you would understand if I said the word 'spew'" He turned up his nose as though the word itself tasted bad but comprehension had dawned on Hermione's face and she could have danced. Never had she been so happy to hear Ron belittling her attempts at protecting house elves.

"But how?" she whispered

"We portraits wander as freely as birds, my lady" Said Sir Cadogan, jumping as his visor fell shut again "but I haven't much time so you must listen. The quest I was charged with was to give you a message which I will share forthwith. Your friends say that you must not give up; they are all working to try to rescue you and bring you home."

Hermione felt tears welling up in her eyes and her cheeks could have split with her smile "Thank you Sir Cadogan, is that all?"

He frowned "There was something else I was supposed to say, something about a man called Reuben…or Richard…or something…well the name escapes me but you needed to know something about him"

"Right" Hermione replied none the wiser "would it be possible for you to take a message back to them from me?"

He immediately perked up "Another quest? Just say the word m'lady?"

"Just say that I miss them too, and that I'll see them soon"

Sir Cadogan nodded and charged back out of the painting, with his sword raised; only narrowly avoiding doing some injury to its other occupant.

After a moment they could hear his armour clattering back towards them and he reappeared breathless "I've remembered" he shouted "I've remembered his name!"

She glanced sharply back at the others "I'll see you in the Great Hall" she said quickly "I have a feeling you're not supposed to hear this"

James and Lily both nodded and began pulling the others down the hallway, though Sirius kept craning his neck in an attempt to hear and Peter seemed particularly reluctant to leave. Once they were around the corner she turned back to the portrait

"They said Remus is alive" gasped the tiny man in the painting "They think you've already changed something" he charged away again, before she had even had a chance to process the information.

She slumped back against the wall and rubbed her eyes frantically, trying to work out whether this was good news or not. She was sure she couldn't have done anything to influence Remus' death. The thought that she could have done was terrifying but she pushed it back, if she was going to start assuming that every time she so much as sneezed someone was going to turn into a hippogriff or something, there was no real hope for her sanity. Not for the first time the thought occurred to her that she was supposed to be here, that her reason for travelling through time had something to do with preventing something that shouldn't have happened. Remus' death for example. Perhaps he had not survived because of something she had already done…maybe it was something she was supposed to do while she was here. With this thought she sprinted through the hallways, barely even noticing where she was going and muttering under her breath in an attempt to straighten her thoughts.

"Miss Granger, are you certain of this?" Professor Dumbledore examined her over the frames of his glasses, he had listened to her as she explained all the information she had been given.

"As certain as it's possible for me to be" she breathed excitedly "If Remus has come back to life it's because of something I've done or that I'm about to do. I certainly can't do nothing now I know I could help"

He took in her glittering eyes and her flushed cheeks and knew very well that arguing would be virtually pointless; she was already in way over head and burrowing deeper all the time. He nodded "Just be careful miss Granger"

She bolted out of his office and back down the stairs, barely registering the fact that Dumbledore's tone was warning her to be careful in more ways than one.

* * *

In that same dark house on that distant hill Lord Voldemort still sat in his 'Throne Room', alone this time except for his snake. "So Nagini" he murmured "The Gryffindor girl may be of some use to us. They think she's got the ability to alter the future. She might be useful to us if we can make a friend of her" the snake hissed loudly "I know she's a mudblood, it may be unpleasant but she may be the key to our victory. If she won't help us…well, I'm sure we can persuade her" He smiled nastily.

**A/N: So I'm Finally back! In theory I have an internet connection now (although our router Hamish is sort of like a tiny animal, insofar as he panics and runs away if you scare him with too much internet use at once) so hopefully I'll be updating slightly more often now, although I have just been told that before christmass I have to write 2 2500 word essays, 2 3000 word essays, give two presentations and finish a first draft for a 10,000 word dissertation. Plus I've started a new job even though I still have 3 weeks left on the contract at my old job so I'm currently working 23 hours a week on top of full-time university.**

**Anyway, sorry about that, you really didn't need all that information. Suffice it to say, as we get nearer to christmas updates may get further apart but don't worry, I won't abandon you! Review and let me know what you think and I'll try and get the next one up soon :)  
**


	9. Chapter 9

_And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't  
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road_

"Where on earth did Hermione get to?" Lily wondered aloud as the group climbed the common room stairs after dinner

"She's in the common room" Remus said with a smile, until then he had been just as concerned as Lily was.

The portrait swung open to reveal Hermione sat on the floor by the fire. "How on earth did you know that?" Peter squeaked

"I could smell her perfume" Remus shrugged and made his way over to flop down onto the floor next to her. James and Sirius raised their eyebrows at each other and grinned mischievously; their jaws fell open when they noticed that Hermione was not only surrounded by her normal pile of books but also by several bottles of butterbeer.

"How did you get your hands on these?" Sirius exclaimed picking up a bottle and helping himself

Hermione waved a hand dismissively in his direction, not looking up from the book in her lap "Kitchens. I only wanted a glass of orange juice but the house elves wouldn't let me leave without these things" She took a swig from a bottle by her feet and James took the opportunity to snatch one of her books and prance around with it just beyond Hermione's reach.

She gave him an exasperated look and Lily rolled her eyes

"Give Hermione back her book" Lily said in a weary tone

"Shan't" James grinned dancing away as Hermione stood up. He was forced to duck suddenly as Hermione's shoe sailed past his ear. He lost his balance and fell backwards onto the carpet.

"Shall so" Hermione smiled triumphantly, skipping over and seizing the book from his slack grip before replacing her shoe and returning to her spot on the carpet. Unfortunately she misjudged the speed with which she needed to sit down and slipped off to the side, finding herself suddenly nose to nose with Remus. He caught her before she fell over but for a moment found herself unable to turn away from his beautiful blue eyes. She was acutely aware of his hands holding her arms still and of their close proximity. Her head span as she forgot how to breathe and blood rushed to her cheeks.

She might have stayed there longer and the moment may have become excruciatingly awkward if Sirius had not suddenly spoken

"Hermione, what's that on your arm?" He was staring at her left forearm; everybody else had stopped what they were doing at his tone and turned to stare at her too. She seized her sleeve and yanked it down to her wrist in the vein hope that Sirius would let it og. He wouldn't.

"What is it?" he repeated, moving nearer. Panicking, she leapt to her feet again and attempted to back out of the circle of people but they were having none of it. She backed straight into Remus' chest; he was watching her with the same slightly confused expression. Too late she realised she was being backed into a corner and her wand was lying discarded on the pile of books by the fire.

"Look" she licked her lips and grimaced, "It's really not imp-"

But Sirius had seized her wrist and pushed her sleeve roughly back up her arm to reveal the scar Bellatrix had given her. Although it was no longer bleeding the word 'Mudblood' was still etched deep into her skin and was certain to scar. Remus stared, white-faced as both James and Sirius swore loudly and Lily gasped, tears filling her eyes. Hermione hung her head, feeling almost ashamed, and pulled her sleeve back down to cover it.

"Who did that to you?" Remus asked in a low voice that verged on a growl

Hermione took a shaky breath "It's not important"

"Not important" Sirius scoffed "what in the name of God is the future going to be like if this is 'not important'?"

"Alright" Hermione said loudly and angrily "That's enough. The lot of you need to calm the hell down and I will tell you what I can"

She very firmly pushed them towards the sofas and forced them all to take a seat before she even thought about opening her mouth. "Trouble is coming" she began "There's no point denying that, you're all adults, you must know this is coming. It's going to develop into all-out war, more than once and there's nothing we can do to stop it. So you should know that for the next few years the world is going to be a really shitty place to be. But someday someone will come along who will be Voldemort's equal and will defeat him forever, he will not be allowed to win."

Lily stared wide eyed "and you've come from the point in time when all of this is over?"

Hermione nodded "About eight hours after it all finished"

Sirius swore again "so you fought in the last war?"

She nodded again

"Were we there?"

She frowned "Sirius, you know very well that I can't answer that" she looked at their scared faces "You have no idea how far in time I've travelled, so bear that in mind. You should also know that even if all of you are there, I can't tell you that in case my telling you changes anything" They all looked slightly more relieved. Only Remus continued to stare at her arm

"Will that happen to everyone the Death eaters don't like?"

Hermione shook her head "No, I'm unique as far as I know. Because I was friends with the person who ultimately killed Voldemort I got special treatment. For a brief period of time I was captured and kept in the dungeons of one of the death eater's houses with a couple of others. They tried to torture me to get information and when I wouldn't talk they gave me this" she gestured to her scar "just to make sure I couldn't slip through the net again. Thankfully, not long after, friends of mine broke in and got me out"

"You withstood torture" Sirius gaped

"A lot of people did" Hermione shrugged "You do what you have to in order to protect the people you love. I got a far better deal than a lot of other people, I'm alive aren't I?"

The group fell silent for some time and eventually, after some prodding from Hermione, conversation moved on to different topics. As the evening passed they gradually filtered up to bed, each of them rather deeply immersed in their own thoughts, until only Remus and Hermione were left. She had resumed her reading so it took her some time to realise that she was being watched.

"What is it?" she said, fiddling self-consciously with her hair "what are you looking at?"

"Not much" he mused "just one of the bravest people I've ever met"

She blushed "There's a very fine line between brave and fool-hardy" she pointed out "courage, though, is the ability to find strength in the face of pain or difficulty and I think you'll find you have more than that in your own little finger than most of the rest of the students here combined"

**A/N: So here's another update finally! Obviously lots has been going on at uni recently and I don't want to make any promises I can't keep so I'm aiming to update again within the next month. But I have been baking so cookies for anyone who reviews! And thanks so much to everyone who's stuck with me this far x**


	10. Chapter 10

_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road  
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go  
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why  
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time_

While the others finished their last exams Hermione continued with her never-ending research and waited to hear from her friends again. As the days slipped by and neither she nor they had found anything even vaguely helpful she began to wonder if she would ever get back. Homesickness was ever present at the back of her mind, though it was not as bad as it used to be. She felt guilty for every moment that she didn't spend trying to get back to them. Even so, she couldn't help that this time was beginning to feel like home, she had good friends who cared about her here and Dumbledore had even managed to secure her a temporary job at the ministry. Lily had found a flat for the two of them to share once they had graduated and today they were going to have a look around it.

"Isn't it wonderful?" Lily sighed happily as they stepped into the sitting room.

It was a small flat with two double sofas and a coffee table taking up most of the sitting room, the room itself was only separated from the kitchen by a breakfast bar serving as a dining table. Not luxury by any stretch of the imagination but for the two of them this tiny flat paved the way to freedom and independence. The ceiling could have half fallen in and neither of them would have cared. The bedrooms were both reasonably sized doubles and, to Lily's relief, the bathroom had a bath big enough to stretch out comfortably in.

They flung open all the windows and cast a few cleaning charms to clear the place of dust and then just sat in their sitting room marvelling at their own good fortune. After a moment or two Hermione turned to Lily and asked why Lily hadn't thought about moving in with James

"We've got plenty of time" Lily said contentedly "There's no sense in rushing things when we've only just finished school. It's only just a year since we started going out" She picked up her bag and they both made to leave

"So how did you get together then?" Hermione shut the front door and locked it again

Lily sighed "I didn't used to like him, in fact I hated him. I thought he was arrogant and spiteful, he used to be really unkind to some of the slytherins"

"So what changed?"

"I'm not really sure" Lily frowned "It was like last year he suddenly grew up; he came back after summer a completely different person. He stopped making fun of people to get cheap laughs and once I even caught him refusing to hex someone, even when they were trying to start a fight with him. He's still a handful of course but now he's stopped being such a show off it's easier to see how kind and clever and_ funny_ he is."

She positively glowed with happiness; it made Hermione's heart ache. She had never had time to think about relationships really, there had always been far more important things going on. She supposed that was why the collapse of things between her and Ron had not really bothered her; love had taken a back seat to everything else. When she got back, she promised herself there and then, her dreams and desires would come right off the back burner and she would start doing exactly what she wanted.

As they were passing back through the gates into Hogwarts they once again passed Snape. There was no doubt that Lily had seen him this time, she missed a step and stumbled before very deliberately turning away from him, chin in the air and stalking away. Hermione couldn't help feeling sorry for the poor man; she gave him a friendly sort of nod and then took off after Lily. She didn't see how nonplussed he was that a friend of Lily's had deigned to acknowledge his existence.

Lily was still furious when they found the boys, lazing around by the lake again.

"Is everything alright?" Hermione said, out of breath having practically jogged to keep up with Lily the whole way.

Lily growled in frustration "what was he doing there anyway?"

"Who?" asked Remus mildly

"Snape" Hermione explained, still watching Lily as she paced in anger "we passed him by the gates as we came back in"

"Tosser" James muttered under his breath

Hermione raised her eyebrows at him "That seems a little uncalled for"

"I wish I hadn't even looked at him, he just makes me so angry. You know he called me 'mudblood' once?" she shot this question at Hermione who, too late, realised she had forgotten to look even mildly surprised. "Aren't you shocked?" she asked Hermione impatiently

"No" Hermione sighed and rubbed her eyes "I've heard worse insults, certainly more personal ones. People say all sorts of things in the heat of the moment"

"It's a bloody horrible thing to say" James grumbled, wrapping his arms round Lily's waist, she immediately looked calmer.

Hermione nodded and dropped to her knees on the grass, suddenly exhausted "I agree, it's a horrible thing to hear. But insults only have as much power as you're prepared to give them. I've already told you things are going to get a lot worse before they can get better, you need to expect a lot more insults"

"Filthy death eater" Sirius glowered at the distant figure

"Don't say that, you know nothing about him!" Hermione snapped, tiredness and stress causing her temper to immediately flare up

"Oh so you and Snivellus are best friends now are you?" He sneered, his foul temper showing itself too

"Oh don't be such a child! The world isn't just split into good people and death eaters you know. The fact that someone doesn't necessarily like you doesn't make them a heartless murderer you idiot" He was spluttering indignantly, unable to find the words for a coherent response so she ploughed on, in a slightly calmer tone this time "You don't know what made him the person he is, for all we know he would have been a completely different person if a few more people had just acknowledged his existence. Even if he was a death eater, there's no way of knowing where his loyalties really lie, just like the rest of us. We all have the potential to be good or bad, any of us could go either way in the right circumstances"

There was a moment of silence while Sirius stared at Hermione, the first person ever to introduce the idea to him that no one was one-dimensional, that perhaps not everybody was either evil or angelic. The idea appeared to have knocked him back a little. Peter too was entirely immersed in his own thoughts and Lily and James were talking quietly, with their foreheads resting against each other.

"I think I need a walk" Hermione said quietly and stood up again

"Would you mind if I came too?" Remus asked, she nodded and they set off around the lake.

For some time they walked in companionable silence, neither feeling the need to speak until Hermione suddenly stopped "Was that a bit harsh of me?" she asked, biting her lip

"If you were I'm sure they'll recover" He was watching her again, very closely

"Do you really think that we've all got the potential to be good or bad?"

She nodded "If this whole experience has taught me anything it's that the tiniest thing could change everything, who's to say if things had been different we wouldn't have been death eaters too?" He was watching her intently again "what?"

He stammered a little "It's-It's just that I've never met anyone like you before, you've got to be about my age and yet you talk about things as though you've lived for decades. I can't imagine what you must have gone through, more than anybody should have to deal with in a life time, and yet you're determined to believe the best of people"

She shrugged "there's not much else you can do, and I made it through a lot better than other people did"

"But you still have nightmares?"

She stopped again abruptly "How did you know about those?"

"You scream sometimes, last week you were so scared that we all heard you and I came in, Sirius and I had to hold you still, then you fell asleep sat on my lap"

Hermione's eyes went wide as she vaguely remembered, mid nightmare, a reassuring pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders, rocking her gently. She only now realised that the aftershave she had smelled in her room was the one Remus wore.

He noticed her embarrassed expression and touched her hand gently "I get nightmares too sometimes, it's understandable. Your past doesn't define you any more than my condition does me"

Afterwards she could never quite explain why she found herself hugging him tightly, as though the few words he had said had changed everything.

* * *

Up in the owlery Severus Snape was chewing the end of his quill, staring at the words he had already written. 'The Granger girl will be living on Emerald Street in London'

If he sent this away he would be richly rewarded, beyond many people's wildest dreams. The death eaters would celebrate him, he would have unquestionably earned their trust. If he failed he would be cast out, bullied and possibly even tortured.

He screwed his eyes tight shut and desperately tried to think. Unbidden the image of Lily passing him by the gates this afternoon flashed before his eyes. She continued to be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Sending this note would be like signing her death warrant. Another image flashed across his mind, this time it was the Granger girl, looking at him as though he were an old friend, like she knew all his most secret thoughts and conflicts, all of them dark as his eyes. Yet she looked at him as though were merely a pencil sketch that had smudged slightly, as though he had made a tiny mistake and he would right it soon enough. He sighed and screwed up the first scrap of parchment. On a second scrap he wrote "_some place in London, was unable to follow further. SS_." He attached it to an owls leg and sent it away, his heart pounding in his chest.

* * *

**HAHA! I'm back! for a while at least. I promised myself I'd upload another chapter as soon as I'd finished the essay from hell that I've been working on all week. I was asked in a review a while back where the future Remus was...the answer is that he's there somewhere and he will crop up in a few chapters but it will be a while so hang in there. In the meantime, enjoy this chapter and have a happy halloween!**


	11. Chapter 11

_Made me learn a little bit faster_  
_Made my skin a little bit thicker_  
_Makes me that much smarter_  
_So thanks for making me a fighter_

Lily blew a strand of hair out of her eyes as she led across the sofa, she was draped over the seat with her knees hooked over the back and her head hanging off the edge of the cushion. She was reading upside down. A few feet away Hermione was lying on the floor, her book suspended a few inches above her nose. They had finally reached the end of their last year at Hogwarts and both girls were already packed. Lily heaved a sigh and glanced at her watch again, she and Hermione had been there for over an hour waiting for the boys to finish, she was sure that this was the wrong way round.

Sirius appeared above her feet with his arm slung around the shoulders of his latest girlfriend, who while very pretty obviously didn't have much in the way of intellect. "Comfy there, Evans?" he asked grinning

"Not really" Lily huffed, swinging her legs back around and sitting up as Hermione sat up and marked her page "What's taking you all so long?"

"We're finished now" James grinned from the foot of the boy's staircase "And our last ever end of day bell will be ringing any moment now"

"And then we're free" Remus grinned making his way over to join the rest

There was a moment of silence while they and several other seventh years stood still and watched the last few seconds of their school lives tick away. Then the last bell rang out across the castle and the sound of cheering broke out. It had been a long time since anyone had felt ready to express such unbridled jubilation.

Lily squeaked as James seized her by the waist and kissed her in their second of elation. Sirius and his girl lost no time in engaging in what looked like a very athletic game of tonsil hockey. They were all distracted by the sound of delighted laughter as Remus, temporarily forgetting his shyness, had pulled Hermione into the centre of the room and proceeded to waltz at high speed with her around the room. She was giggling as they tripped over each other's feet and didn't even notice everyone watching them. James followed Remus' lead and proceeded to whirl Lily around the room as well.

Hermione couldn't help relishing these moments of freedom and innocence; her childhood had been so empty of them that the feeling was intoxicating. Remus spun her so many times on the spot that she nearly fell right over, he caught her and set her on her feet and they both laughed so hard that death by excessive laughter seemed like a genuine possibility.

Within a few hours though they were back to rather more serious matters, the Marauders were being inducted into the order for the very first time. The order meeting was being held at James' parents' house. They were so nice it was almost painful, they reminded her somewhat of Ron's parents, though perhaps slightly less subdued. Ron's parents were there too, the beginnings of their little brood already running around beyond anyone's control. It was hard to act as though she was meeting everyone for the first time, once again Dumbledore had given them a précised version of her story and instructed them not to ask her any questions. Even so, it was hard not to wince when she shook hands with the Longbottoms and knew very well that in a few years they wouldn't even recognise their own son.

"Right, we need to see what sort of duelling ability the lot of you have" said a gruff voice from the corner of the room. It was Alastor Moody, making no attempt to beat around the bush as per usual. Hermione tried not to stare when she noticed that he still had both his eyes.

"Alastor" said Mrs Potter gently "Is that really necessary? They're tired, it's been a long day and they've only just joined"

"exactly" He barked "which is why we need to know what we're dealing with, do you think any of the death eaters are going to take it easy on them?" he turned back to the group of newcomers "so who's first?"

After a moment Sirius sauntered into the middle of the space cleared by the order and raised his wand. "I'm ready" he grinned arrogantly. He put up a fair fight against Moody's attack and he might have lasted longer had he not been temporarily distracted by the sight of a pretty girl to his left. Had he not stopped to wink at her, he might have dodged the stunning spell that knocked him over.

James was next, he too put up a very good fight until he tripped over his own shoe lace. Peter was a disaster from beginning to end. Lily earned herself quite a reputation for her charm work and then it was Remus' turn. His fighting style was quite similar to Lily's, competent but not over confident.

As Hermione watched a horrible sense of déjà vu began to creep over her like cold mist.

_She was sprinting, firing spells behind her. She managed to disarm the man chasing her only to trip over a rock and fall face-first to the ground. A hand grabbed hers and wrenched her to her feet, she found herself face to face with Professor Lupin. He looked distinctly worse for wear but gave her a sharp nod which she returned and they set off in opposite directions again. Moments later, as she duelled with another masked stranger, she saw out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of purple light and Remus' body crumpled. The next time she saw him he would be lying dead on a stretcher._

Watching the practice duel continue Hermione felt a powerful wave of nausea roll through her as the image of his body swam before her eyes. It took her a second to recover and by the time she had it was her turn.

The war had taught her that heated, reckless anger led to mistakes. You put people in danger with magic like that. But cold, calculated fury had its uses and as she stepped forwards to take her turn she allowed the feeling to envelope her. Without waiting for Moody to initiate his attack she led with her own. She couldn't see for the rage building inside her, the hurt she felt was too great and she heard nothing for the roaring in her ears. She didn't even think she just fired spell after spell until she found herself standing in the centre of the room, holding her opponent's wand with her own pointed at his throat. The rest of the room looked on in awed silence.

"Very good" said Moody impressed "who trained you?"

"Lots of people" she answered vaguely "I've just had a lot of practice"

"You could learn a thing or two from this one" he said gruffly to Sirius "It's all very well to be able to defend yourself but that's no good if it's the only thing you can do. Attack is always the best form of defence and remember-"

"Constant vigilance" Hermione finished for him, grinning and blushing as her gaze met Remus'.

For a moment she thought she heard a funny clicking noise, it reminded her vaguely of the sound of a lever being pulled on an old fashioned slot machine. She looked around but nobody else seemed to have noticed a thing so she gave herself a mental shake and re-joined the conversation. Hermione could not have known this at the time but the two words she had just spoken had set in motion a sequence of tiny events. If Alastor Moody had said those words they might not have had the same effect, as it happened Hermione said them and because of this, more than twenty years in the future something would be different. As Remus Lupin helped one of his old students to her feet in the middle of a battlefield he would make eye contact with her for the briefest moment. Something in her eyes struck a chord in him that he couldn't identify but for no apparent reason the words 'constant vigilance' drifted through his mind. This tiny blip, this hiccough in his mind meant that he glanced to his left only a few seconds later, in time to throw up a shield charm against the curse that would otherwise have killed him. Hermione, of course, had no notion of this, she merely registered the strange sound and felt slightly relieved for no apparent reason.

A few feet away Remus was talking to Dorcas Meadowes, she had joined the order only the week before them and was busily telling him that she would be happy to 'show him the ropes' as she rather euphemistically put it. For all her hair flicking and eyelash fluttering though she could not seem to get his full attention, he didn't notice when she rested a flirtatious hand on his forearm because he was watching Hermione throw her head back with laughter at something Sirius had just said.

**A/N: So three cheers for kickass Hermione, let me know what you think. In tv style I'm going to give you a quote from the next chapter as a kind of 'teaser' thing. Here it is: _She moved closer to him and gently stroked his cheek "It's not going to be easy" she whispered_**

**But you'll have to wait a few weeks to find out what's happened! In the mean time please read and review! :)**_  
_


	12. Chapter 12

_You told me that you'd wait forever  
Oh and when you held my hand  
I knew that it was now or never  
Those were the best days of my life_

Hermione and her new friends made only one journey back to Hogwarts after their induction into the Order and that was to attend their graduation and leaving party. Hermione was not graduating with the rest, it had been agreed that her life experience more than made up for any number of certificates. Instead she watched the ceremony from the back of the hall taking as many pictures of all of them as she could, forcing them all into one huge group photograph.

That night a party was held in the Gryffindor tower, the wildest and by far the least inhibited party Hermione had ever attended. It was as though they all sensed that the world was about to get a lot darker, the next few years would be uncertain at best and some of them would never meet again. There was an unspoken need to draw every last second out for as long as they possibly could. A need to drink, to taste, to _feel_ until they could take no more, a few of them would never see the summer sun again. So they danced until their feet gave out and sang at the top of their voices and stretched every moment to breaking point.

Hermione watched from the edges in a pale pink dress she had borrowed from Lily and marvelled at the spectacle. She almost wished she and Harry and Ron had done this too, had one night in which nothing was left unfinished so that none of them would die with anything left unsaid. Then it occurred to her that in her present there was no danger to any of them anymore, only she found herself in a room full of dead men walking. The helplessness of it all overwhelmed her for a moment and she allowed herself a single tear before gulping back some fire whiskey and wincing as it singed her throat. She watched Lily being whirled around the floor by James, so beautiful with her delicate features and fiery hair that she reminded Hermione of a titian painting.

"Come along Miss Granger" Sirius grinned, suddenly appearing at her elbow "don't be a wall-flower. Come and dance"

He didn't leave her any time to argue, he just seized her hand in an iron grip and pulled her into the centre of the crowd of cavorting bodies. Hermione couldn't help laughing, Sirius' preferred style of dancing seemed to be to hold her in a very formal ballroom pose and then run at high speed in any direction he pleased, dragging her behind him. Every now and then, just to break things up a little bit he would spin her at high speed or dip her so low that her hair brushed the floor. She had hiccoughs from laughing so hard by the time the song had finished.

Remus sat on a settee watching the others dance and marvelling at it all. The entire party was such an assault on every sense that it knocked you back a little. To feel so much was exhausting, almost painful.

It wasn't long before the others began to feel the effects. By the time midnight struck Sirius had snuck away with his latest girlfriend and Peter had passed out in an armchair.

Hermione was stood by the window staring out at the lake. Remus watched as the breeze through the window ruffled her curls. There was no denying that she was not conventionally beautiful, he thought, her curls were too wild, her nose not straight enough, and her lips not full enough. Yet neither was he and she had a beauty that was hard to put into words. It was the little things that made her lovely, the sparkle in her eyes when she knew she was right, the tilt of her head as she listened attentively, the flush of her cheek when she was embarrassed, the curl of her lips as she tried not to laugh.

He had been watching too attentively he realised, stumbling backwards as she turned to look at him. Lily and James broke the moment by staggering tipsily across the common room and loudly proclaiming that they were going for a walk round the lake if anyone else wanted to come.

"I wouldn't mind the fresh air" Hermione whispered, pulling her wrap more closely around her shoulders

"Me neither" Remus said just as quietly and took her hand to help her pick her way through the debris of the common room floor.

The night was pleasantly cool after the heat of the common room and there was not a cloud in sight. The number of stars they could see as they walked was almost breath-taking. Lily and James ran off as soon as they got outside. Hermione and Remus walked slowly around the banks of the lake. In this weather the surface was like glass and Remus could see the crescent moon reflected softly in the water. He shuddered.

Hermione noticed and handed him her bottle of butterbeer, "It'll help" she said softly. He had never seen her to serene and calm. As he took a gulp of the warm liquid she took off her shoes and spun on the spot, her eyes closed and a faint smile on her lips.

"You had a good night then?" he smiled, handing the bottle back to her

She nodded and took another swig of the bottle; he could tell she was not exactly sober by the fact that she had inexplicably decided to walk on tiptoe as though she was walking a tightrope. "It's been nice to have fun and not worry about anything or anyone. It's been so long since I've been able to"

A very sobering thought hit him then "Is the war really going to be that terrible?"

She stopped dancing and looked at him very intently, noticing the fear in his eyes. She moved closer to him and gently stroked his cheek "It's not going to be easy" she whispered "But I won't let anything happen to you if I can possibly help it. I promise."

Remus couldn't say exactly what made him do it. He was probably just caught up in the moment but something about those bright eyes shining up at him and the moonlight made him do it. He leant down to kiss her, when he was within and hair's breadth of her lips she suddenly jumped backwards.

"Please don't" her eyes were full of tears "I know you're just caught up with the excitement of everything and the alcohol but believe me it's a bad idea. It's far better that you don't"

He had never felt more embarrassed in his life and she looked as though she might dissolve into tears at any second. Fortunately James and Lily appeared at that moment.

"It's so nice and quiet out here" Lily said, snuggling into James' shoulder

"It was a good party though wasn't it?" James grinned "Although I don't think I could go to too many of those"

"Parties like that are good as a once in a while thing. Too many and it just becomes overkill" Lily halted suddenly, the colour had drained from Hermione's face

"I have to go" she said, and bolted back up to the castle without a backward glance.

As Hermione ran she could think of nothing else but the epiphany she had just had. It was though someone had just lit a flair inside her head. The strength of her realisation was such that she didn't notice the stitch in her side or the fact that she was muttering about 'veils' 'spells' and 'overkill'. She didn't even realise as she sprinted through the common room to collect her books that someone was listening to every word.

**A/N: The last chapter had such an amazing response that I have actually paused, mid essay, to upload another one (I wasn't even slightly motivated by the fact that it's the mostly deathly boring essay I've ever written). I liked this chapter anyway for the interaction between Remus and Hermione but I don't know whether it was a little too soon or not, let me know what you think, I really really appreciate any feedback!**

**Also, like last time I'm going to let you see a little of the next chapter in advance, just to make sure you don't get bored and abandon me before it gets interesting, so here you are:**

**"She glanced over her shoulder as they rounded the corner and gasped again as she noticed the words that had been scratched into the frame, presumably with the point of a dagger 'no more talking'."**


	13. Chapter 13

_Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart  
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong_

Bellatrix Lestrange shivered, it was unusual for her to be cold especially in the middle of the summer but at the moment, with the rain slanting in through the glassless window and her breath misting in front of her, she was freezing.

"The child is of little consequence my lord" she murmured "soon enough she will be sent back to her own time and we can forget all about her"

"That's not the point" Voldemort roared, thumping the arm of his chair with his fist "She knows you fool, she _knows_"

"She knows what?" squeaked a timid Death Eater from the shadows.

"Everything" Voldemort replied in a dangerously low voice "she knows everything"

"Even if that were true" drawled Lucius Malfoy "she can't change anything, there's a law that says that no matter what you do, the outcome will always be the same"

"Well perhaps nobody has informed her of this rule" Rookwood rolled his eyes "because she seems to be flagrantly disregarding it"

"It makes no difference" Voldemort hissed, calmer now "we must make a friend of Miss Granger, she will be of use to us. From this point onwards I want someone watching her at all times. I want her connection to the future cut off and I want to know everything there is to know about her"

"We could bring her to you now" Bellatrix grinned nastily, fingering her wand

"Not yet, we'll let her feel nice and safe first, she'll be on her guard at the moment, we just need to be patient and wait until she lets it down"

Harry was going out of his mind; several members of the order had already given up. He and the Weasleys had ploughed on but it made no odds, every book they read said that time travel in a forward direction was impossible. Even they were beginning to feel disheartened. It was time, Harry decided, to try to contact Hermione again, if she had had any ideas at her end they needed to know.

"Sir Cadogan?" he called warily and heard the answering clatters of oversized armour "I have another quest for you" The knights face shone with glee "you remember the girl you spoke to before"

"Ah yes" Sir Cadogan smiled "A very fair young maiden indeed, put me in mind of-"

"Yes that's the one" Harry interrupted, rubbing his temples in frustration "I need you to find her again and tell her I've hit a brick wall, say the order has been reading everything it can get its hands on but we are stuck, I need to know if she has had any ideas"

"Right-o" The tiny knight replied and jogged off into the distance of his painting.

Hermione was curled up on a window ledge, reading. She was waiting for the others to join her in waiting for the Hogwarts express so that they could leave Hogwarts and begin their adult lives. The boys were having some difficulty packing their last few things so Hermione had found herself a quiet corridor, not far from the Great Hall and out of most people's line of sight. She was trying desperately to finish the reading she had started last night when she heard a noise just at the other end of the corridor, Sir Cadogan was perched with some difficulty on a large daisy in the painting to a vase filled with flowers.

"M'lady" he bowed, nearly slipping off of his petal "Your friends send me with another message. They toil gallantly onwards in the their quest to save you but they have lost their way somewhat and wondered if you had any idea what to do"

Hermione felt a little sick "No I've got no idea" she admitted bitterly "Tell them I'm working on it too, I'll let them know if I hear anything at all. Tell them I think I know how to save Padfoot too. They need to look at page 27 of 'Magical Mysteries' by Futilibus Frage, the veil doesn't like people to fall through it unannounced, it likes to be allowed to choose its victims."

The Knight jogged away again, his face screwed up in concentration as he remembered everything she had just told him.

Harry and Ron sat up as soon as they heard Sir Cadogan puffing back into his frame. He didn't give them a chance to speak before he blurted out everything Hermione had just told them for fear that he would forget some significant detail. On hearing her news about Sirius, Harry froze and stared up at the painting while Ron dived for the book she had mentioned. He flipped frantically towards the right page and found the bottom paragraph and read it aloud

"'Little is known about the veil hidden in the department of mysteries but it is generally agreed to be something of a doorway to death. It has been suggested, though, that the veil likes to choose its victims. Since time immemorial the veil has been used to prove the guilt of those who protested their innocence. It was often observed that those who were innocent of their supposed crime would be drawn towards the veil, fascinated. Conversely, those who carried with them knowledge of their own guilt felt only fear when they looked at it, sensing their impending death. The veil has been known to "reject" certain people if it found them to be innocent. On other occasions it is not unheard of for the veil to "retain" its victims while it decides whether or not they are worth releasing.' Harry this is brilliant!" he grinned

Harry was rather more reserved in his reaction, refusing to get his hope up, instead he set his jaw and spoke again to Sir Cadogan "tell Hermione we aren't going to give up on her, _ever_. We're not even going to try to get Sirius back until she's safe back here with us, just make sure she knows that will you?"

The knight nodded and jogged away, there was a moment of silence while they waited for his response. After a long pause they could hear him coming back again, cursing about 'villains' and 'scoundrels'. "I can't get back" He shouted angrily " I was just about to talk to her when I felt someone tear my canvas, I can't get back"

Hermione waited eagerly for Sir Cadogan to return, she didn't hear her friends starting to gather in the main hall a few feet away. When she heard the familiar racket announcing his return she looked up. He opened his mouth to speak but never managed to make a sound. As she watched horrified, he simply melted into the canvas, as though he was paint on a paint brush that someone who had just swirled in a glass of water.

With a sick feeling in her stomach she sprinted back through the Entrance Hall, ignoring everyone who tried to attract her attention on the way and sped straight for the corridor in which Sir Cadogan's painting was kept. When she saw the frame she almost retched.

"no" she gasped, desperately trying to pull the torn canvas back together "no, no NO, NO!" She was screaming and crying and gasping for breath. Her knees buckled under her and she slid to the floor.

The painting's canvas had been torn to pieces; an X had been slashed in it stretching from corner to corner. Hermione knew very well that paintings held such complex magic that they could take years to restore. Her last connection with home was destroyed and she had no way of knowing when, if ever, she would get it back. A pair of hands gripped her tightly and she looked up to see Remus pulling her to him. She turned her face into his chest

"They've gone" she cried

"I know" he whispered in his most soothing voice "but we'll find a way to talk to them again, I'll look after you, I promise"

He gently led her back down towards the others so that they could go home. She glanced over her shoulder as they rounded the corner and gasped again as she noticed the words that had been scratched into the frame, presumably with the point of a dagger 'no more talking'.

A/N: HUZZAH! I'm back. Today I finished my last exam and tomorrow evening I get to go home for christmas so here's an end of term present for you! I promise at least one more chapter before christmas...so here's a teaser for that one too:

"You know I noticed you watching me tonight" He grinned

She rolled her eyes "Sirius you're very drunk"

So read and Review please :)


	14. Chapter 14

_So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind  
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time  
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial  
For what it's worth it was worth all the while_

It took Hermione some time to recover from the shock of having her connection with the past completely shut off. She started her new job at the ministry and moved into the new flat with Lily but was unusually quiet and kept her nose in her books. One evening Lily came home to find Hermione once again sat alone in a pile of books with an expression of desperation on her face.

"Still found nothing?" Lily asked, setting her shopping bags down in the kitchen and removing her jacket.

Hermione shook her head "I just keep feeling like I've missed something really important. There must be something"

Lily sighed and moved a pile of books so that she could sit down "I think you need a break"

Hermione shook her head frantically "I can't take a break I have to find out how to get back"

"You've been working on this for weeks now and you're still no further forward"

"Perhaps I'm just not looking in the right place"

"Or maybe" Lily said, pointedly taking away the book that Hermione had been feverishly scanning "you just need to have a break, let your mind rest. You might find that you see it in an entirely new light once you have and you'll know what you've been missing. Just have a night off, come dancing with me and the boys"

Hermione bit her lip "But what if?"

Lily huffed and put her hands on her hips "Hermione, are you really going to make me go out with those boys all by myself?"

"Alright, I suppose one night won't hurt"

Lily squealed and hugged her tightly.

Hermione couldn't help feeling uncomfortable as they walked into the leaky cauldron. She had not been able to get dressed up or wear make up properly since Bill and Fleur's wedding which seemed like centuries ago now. Now she was very conscious of the number of eyes following her around the room, what a difference some make up and a nice dress made. Sirius wolf whistled when he saw them approaching the marauders at the bar.

"Looking absolutely mouth-watering, as always" he almost purred, handing them a drink each

Hermione smiled at them all and swigged her drink, wincing as the strong alcohol burned at her throat.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked quietly, watching carefully as she downed the last of her glass.

She nodded "I think so; Lily said I should have a break so here I am" Neither of them had mentioned the time he had attempted to kiss her. She was certain it had only been the alcohol that had made him act in the way he did, he probably didn't even remember it. Perhaps he was trying to forget it, just as she was trying to forget the way her heart had raced as he had leaned towards her.

It was as she was waiting for the barman to serve her that she dawdled down this line of thought. So engrossed was she that she didn't notice that she had attracted the attention of someone entirely different. She started as she felt an unfamiliar hand placed very low on her back and someone uncomfortably close to her left ear whispered "Now who's neglected a beautiful little thing like you" the voice purred silkily

She glanced up and saw the face of a young Augustus Rookwood only inches from her own. In panic she turned to see where the others were but the queue at the bar had drawn them several feet away, out of earshot. Hermione knew that she was perfectly capable of defending herself on the battlefield with the best of them but somehow it was different in this situation, she felt so much more vulnerable.

"No one has" she said quietly, firmly removing his hand "I'm only waiting for a drink and then I'll be re-joining my friends"

His arm snaked around her waist and she shuddered as she felt his lips a hair's breadth away from her ear. "I've got a better idea" his breath reeked of whiskey "why don't you come with me?"

"I'd rather not" Hermione once again wriggled out of his grip and grabbed her drink from the barman but Rookwood's grasp on her only tightened "Just take a hint, won't you? I'm not interested so just leave me alone" He still wasn't letting her go, she could almost feel bruises forming under his grip, something inside her snapped and she found herself pressing the tip of her wand into his neck "listen, it's not happening so back the hell away from me before I hex you into next week"

Remus and Sirius had appeared behind her "everything alright here?" Sirius asked carefully, while Remus glared at Rookwood.

"we're fine" Hermione smiled sweetly, tucking her wand back into her pocket "This gentleman was just leaving" and she turned away from the bar, drink in hand, and dragged the two boys back to the others.

That slight disturbance aside Hermione had a really good night, they drank, they danced, they laughed and generally acted as though they hadn't a care in the world. At four o'clock in the morning the five of them (Peter had gotten tired and decided to head home early) staggered into Hermione and Lily's flat.

Somehow they ended up in a jumble in the sitting room, unable to sleep because they were still so keyed up. Sirius chose this moment to begin boasting about all the girls he had danced with that night. His friends were good-naturedly ribbing him when he turned to Hermione "You looked like you were having a good night too" he winked at her

She started "what do you mean?"

Lily giggled from her position draped across James' lap "you weren't exactly short of dance partners were you?"

Hermione shrugged turning red "I had fun, but it was only a dance, it didn't have to mean anything" She turned to Remus, trying to deflect some of the attention from herself "did you have a good time?" she asked quietly, while Sirius went back to listing all his new fans

"Yes, it was nice" his smile didn't reach his eyes though, Hermione noticed he was watching Lily and James cuddling and knew immediately what was wrong.

"You will meet someone; you know" she whispered, gently squeezing his arm "It won't always be like this"

"Have you ever been really lonely?"

She nodded "I think everyone has at one time or another. The thing you have to realise is you are complete as you are, you don't need someone else to be happy. Once you realise that you won't feel lonely anymore. Just as long as you remember that you on your own are good enough"

She might have gone on for longer had she not been interrupted by Sirius sidling up to her, not quite sober again yet, and flirting outrageously.

"You know I noticed you watching me tonight" He grinned

She rolled her eyes "Sirius you're very drunk"

"Doesn't mean I can't see how much you want me" he jumped up and sashayed into her bedroom, in way his alcohol drenched brain told him looked very sexy, in reality though he just came across as a bit camp.

Hermione followed him through the door to find him curled up in her bed, fluttering his eyelashes at her. She reached for her wand "Sirius get out of my bed before you make it all dirty, I'll count to three and if you're not out, I'll not be held responsible for the results"

He continued to giggle at her from between the sheets until she waved her wand and he noticed that his laughter had taken on a strangely musical quality.

"What have you done?" he asked, his tone was accusatory, or rather it would have been had it not come out in a rather high-pitched operatic warble.

Hermione refused to fix his voice until he apologised, which he in turn stubbornly refused to do. So Sirius found himself sleeping on a sofa without a blanket while Hermione offered Remus a thick duvet. Lily and James excused themselves and ran away giggling to Lily's bedroom where they shut and locked the door. Hermione rolled her eyes and bid the boys goodnight before retiring to her own bedroom and opening the door.

"You like her don't you?" Sirius whispered in the dark, sometime after everything else was quiet

Remus snorted "Padfoot, I can't take you seriously, you sound like bloody Pavarotti!"

"Stop avoiding the question" Sirius replied in a dramatic baritone, sounding like he was having a hard time controlling his own laughter

Remus sighed and his brow furrowed "It doesn't matter whether I do or not, she's already told me it's not going to happen"

Sirius sat up suddenly "When did this happen?" his voice had become so high that he was in danger of breaking glass

"Keep your voice down! It was after the graduation party, I'd had too much to drink and she was being so nice and I don't know what came over me. I tried to kiss her and for a second I thought she was going to kiss me too but then she jumped back and told me I was drunk and it would be 'better if I didn't'"

"Better if you didn't what?" asked James, appearing out of Lily's bedroom in just his boxers, looking rather dishevelled

"Kiss Hermione" Sirius sighed "James, darling our little boy is all grown up and he's having girl trouble, Hermione has said it would be far better if nothing ever happened between them"

"Aha!" said James, swinging himself over the back of one of the sofas and landing hard on Sirius' knees. "Well what you need is a plan." he grinned, ignoring Sirius' melodic yelps of pain "Sirius and I devised a four year plan that had Lily falling into my arms… well, sort of. We'll have you and Hermione together in no time"

In the dark, damp lounge Rookwood bowed before his master "She is well protected my lord" he whimpered "the mongrels watch her like hawks"

"I suspected as much" Lord Voldemort murmured stroking Nagini's head "But the painting has been destroyed?"

Another masked death eater nodded

"Good" he replied "then things are going exactly to plan, she will come to us"

**A/N: So what with christmas coming up and the world failing to end yet again the last week or so has been quite busy, but the last chapter was fairly depressing and I didn't want to leave you all feeling down just as christmas got here so think of this chapter as my christmas present to you! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter (particualrly GEEKSFORTHEWIN who I couldn't reply to but left such a lovely review I wish I could actually frame it)**

**As always, here's a teaser for the next chapter:**

_Her eyes almost filled with tears "You've no idea how awkward this is going to be, in the future you'll be nearly twenty years older than me. Besides that, you've no idea how long I'll be here, I could be gone tomorrow and I don't want anyone to be upset when it happens"_

**Hoping to have it up before New Year...but until then, eat, drink, be merry and have a fabulous christmas x**


	15. Chapter 15

_Inside her there's longing  
This girl's an open page  
Book marking - she's so close now  
This girl is half his age_

Remus Lupin was strolling down the street with a spring in his step. After he had had a 'tactical discussion' with James and Sirius he had resolved not to give up on Hermione. They had decided that he should continue to behave as a perfect gentleman but Sirius had suggested that Remus allow himself to be slightly more 'mooney-esque'. To begin with Remus had looked aghast at the suggestion until Sirius had gone on to explain that he meant that perhaps he should be a little more proactive, slightly less restrained in his flirting.

The new definite plan gave him renewed optimism and he could barely restrain a grin. He knew she liked him at least a little bit, that faint glimmer was enough to give him hope.

Not far away Hermione was hunched over a cup of tea in her sitting room; it was an oddly cold summer's day, even for Britain and she had had to dig out a jumper to wear over her pyjamas until she had finished breakfast. Lily appeared next to her, duvet pulled tightly around her shoulders, hair standing on end. James had stayed over again for the third night in a row since their night out, he had snuck out early that morning for work and Lily had taken the opportunity to get some sleep, something they apparently hadn't had much of.

"Tired?" Hermione grinned wickedly at Lily, handing her a steaming mug of black coffee

Lily humphed, Hermione had learned quickly that Lily was not good at going without sleep. She perked up after a couple of mouthfuls of coffee and they sat in companionable silence until Hermione made to leave for a shower.

"Can I ask your advice about something?" Lily burst out suddenly, as if the words had been trying to force their way out of her mouth for the last ten minutes and her lips had just lost the fight.

"Yes of course" Hermione hopped back over the back of the sofa to land cross legged next to Lily "what's happened?"

Lily mulled the words over in her head for a second before simply settling for "James proposed last night"

Hermione gasped "that's amazing! What did you say?"

Lily squirmed uncomfortably "I said I'd think about it" she hurried on quickly as she noticed the other girl's expression "It's not that I don't want to marry him, I do, of course I do. But are we too young? We're barely even out of school."

Hermione swallowed, she hadn't been counting on this level of responsibility. Give the wrong advice and she would potentially prevent the birth of her own best friend. She licked her lips and carefully ordered the words she wanted to say before she let them come out.

"I think" she began carefully, swallowing again "that you probably know deep down what you want to do, I could give you all the advice in the world but it won't change your mind for you. But I will say this, you can accept James' proposal without having to marry him straight away. I've never seen a couple that looked like they belonged together more than the pair of you"

She got up and left Lily to think for a moment or two but before she left the room she said quietly "you should also know that things are going to get really unpleasant quite quickly, if there was ever a time to live in the moment, it's now."

Lily nodded slowly and put on a long coat and a pair of willies over her pyjamas "Thank you, I think I'm going to go for a bit of a walk to clear my head"

Hermione nodded, desperately hoping she hadn't said the wrong thing and let Lily go before hopping into the shower.

Remus passed Lily not far from her flat, she was so preoccupied she didn't notice him, even when he called and waved. He let her go, knowing that if there was something on her mind, it was a good idea to leave her to chew it over by herself for a while. Besides he was going to pick up the jacket he had left in Lily's flat when they had all stayed over a few nights before and if Lily had gone out that meant there was potential for some time alone with Hermione.

The door was unlocked when he got there but, despite calling out, he couldn't hear Hermione, maybe she had gone out too. Disappointed he slipped through the sitting room door and seized his jacket from the arm of the sofa, he turned to leave and found himself inches away from the business end of a wand.

Hermione only had a quick shower; she had a day off work and was going to spend it doing as little as was possible, she didn't really care what she looked like. She wrapped a towel around herself and was on her way to her room to get dressed when she heard a noise in the living room. Old habits kicked in again and, without really knowing how or when she had summoned it, she found herself, wand in hand, creeping into the room.

It was Remus. She almost laughed with relief, and lowered her wand. She contained her laughter though; Remus was visibly shaken by the experience.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just came to get my jacket" he mumbled, staring at his shoes "I didn't think there was anyone here"

"Oh, sorry" she smiled, a small giggle escaped by accident "I heard someone in here and I panicked"

He nodded and finally turned his eyes towards her, her smile faded as she watched the change that came over his expression. His eyes raked over her damp, towel wrapped body and as his smouldering gaze travelled up towards her face his irises took on an amber hue. Her face and ears heated as Remus' expression because slightly lupine, he dropped his coat on the sofa and strode towards her, back her against the wall in a way that was ever so slightly predatory.

"What are you doing Remus?" she stammered

"Just looking" he practically purred, wrapping one of her damp curls around his index finger "Do you have any idea just how beautiful you are?"

She ducked out from under his hand and stood in the middle of the room wide-eyed, her free hand clutching her towel tightly. "Remus please don't do this" she begged

His expression returned to normal but he refused to apologise "Hermione, I'm not going to just stop liking you, don't ask me to pretend that I don't"

Her eyes almost filled with tears "You've no idea how awkward this is going to be, in the future you'll be nearly twenty years older than me. Besides that, you've no idea how long I'll be here, I could be gone tomorrow and I don't want anyone to be upset when it happens"

He frowned "It's a bit late for that, I'm not going to give up on you, you know"

She sighed; it came out almost like a whine "Remus you have to forget me, you deserve more certainty than I can give you. You deserve something more than this, someone who isn't already damaged goods" she gestured to the deep scars on her skin. War wounds.

He crossed the room in two strides and grabbed her shoulders, he was furious now "you hypocrite." He almost snarled "you tell me there's nothing wrong with me and that I should accept myself as I am but you don't even try to do the same. You are gorgeous just as you are, don't ever let me hear you say otherwise again."

She couldn't help the tear that escaped, more would have followed if Lily hadn't returned and found them in the living room. "What's going on?" she asked as she took in the scene before her.

Hermione moved away from Remus and left the room quickly, head bowed, after a second they heard her bedroom door close. Remus picked up his jacket and left without another word, a determined frown etched deeply into his features. Lily stood in her boots and long coat, completely lost.

**A/N: So I promised another chapter before the New Year and here it is! The response to the last chapter was amazing, so keep it up! (Incidentally I was asked a while ago whether Remus and Tonks are married in my version of events. The answer is no...there's no wedding and no Teddy. At the beginning of the war they were just beginning a relationship...I'm fairly sure she didn't die either, which should make for some interesting times later on)**

**So here's the trailer for the next chapter:**

_"What's happened?" he whispered_

_"I just saw my parents" she breathed_

**In the meantime, happy new year and I'll see you in 2013! xx_  
_**


	16. Chapter 16

_I'm quiet you know  
You make a first impression  
I've found I'm scared to know _

_I'm always on your mind_

Hermione didn't see Remus again until the next time she was in work. She picked up her jacket to leave for her lunch break and ran straight into him in the corridor, he held up his hands as if in surrender. "I just came to see if you wanted to go out to grab some lunch"

She gave him a look and he raised his eyebrows right back at her "No expectations I promise" he smiled "but after you pushed a wand in my face the last time we met, the least you can do is keep me company on my lunch break."

She would have argued but couldn't find the energy somehow. She had returned to her time-travel research with renewed enthusiasm over the past couple of days, it scared her more than anything that she was beginning to feel comfortable here, almost as though she belonged in this time. Apart from staying up all night last night to continue reading she had also been trying to make notes between cases in the office. Trying to do so without being caught required the stealth of a ninja and the concentration to pay attention to what you were doing whilst remembering to glance up once in a while, meerkat like, and check that no one was watching. It had taken every ounce of concentration she had and she was exhausted.

"Alright" she sighed, "let's go"

It could have been more awkward she supposed, they muddled through it fairly easily, talking about silly things like the weather and the state of muggle bookshops. She even agreed to let him walk her home at the end of the day. This was her mistake, once again the world smacked her in the face with a brick, just to remind her how much she really didn't belong here.

They had been strolling along the muggle streets, Remus had given her his jacket to keep her warm in the cool autumn breeze and she had stopped to admire a beautiful pair of pearl earrings in a shop window. They were generally having a good time when Hermione froze. Then, in an instant, she had seized Remus and pulled him into a side alley, pushing him against the wall to prevent him from stepping back out into the main thoroughfare.

He was about to tease her about how eager she had been to pin him against a wall when he caught sight of her face. She was white and her jaws were clenched.

"What's happened?" he whispered

"I just saw my parents" she breathed as though she had just been completely winded

Remus glanced back onto the main street and watched as a couple passed them by, completely unaware of the pair watching them in the shadows, or of anyone else for that matter. They were in their own little world, holding each other's hands tightly, brand new wedding rings shining in the sunshine.

He glanced back at Hermione and his heart broke for her. Her expression was a mixture of determination and home sick longing. A stray tear escaped and made its way down her cheek, she wiped it away angrily. She drew in a shaky breath as her parents to be rounded another corner out of sight, and she stepped back out onto the main road.

Remus frowned remembering that her parents had only appeared to be a few years older than him, "Hermione what year were you born in?"

Hermione shook her head distractedly, dragging him along the street in the other direction "In about 2 years" she sighed and stopped dead "Can we please not talk about this anymore?" her voice was wobbling.

He nodded quickly and let her drag him back to the ministry and didn't even mention the fact that the whole time she didn't let go of his hand.

When he came to walk her home too she was still almost silent, her face still pale, still refusing to cry. She held his hand the whole way home too and when she couldn't do that she rested her hand in the crook of his arm. He knew what she was doing, had seen many other people suffering from shock do it too, she was clinging onto the only human contact she could find at that moment.

All of the others were waiting for them in her flat, Lily and James were grinning so hard it looked as though their faces might split. He watched as Hermione rearranged her facial features into an expression of unrestrained joy, she hugged her friends tightly and admired Lily's new engagement ring. For a while no one wouldn't have known she wasn't as fantastically happy as she seemed. Only Remus noticed as she slipped away from the others and leaned out of her bedroom window for a moment and breathed deeply.

As she had watched her friends celebrating their engagement she had felt an overwhelming sense of relief that this at least was something she hadn't managed to mess up. But always in the back of her mind was the heavy knowledge that they had fewer than 5 years left to live. It was an odd combination of relief and guilt, grief and happiness and it tasted sour. She began to wonder if Ron had been right when he had said that if you felt too many things at once you would explode and then she thought about Ron and Harry and her parents and all the other people she would probably never see again. A choked sob escaped from her, though she fought valiantly against it, an owl flew in through the sitting room window; she watched it quietly as she pushed the urge to cry deep down.

She only had a few moments to compose herself before Sirius burst into her room looking alarmed

"What is it?" she asked, as he seized a bag from her floor and handed it to her

"The Order has spotted some death eaters hanging around near the end of the road, they think their looking for you so you're coming to stay with us for a while"

Hermione seized some clothes and began pushing them into her bag "do they know who it was?"

He shook his head "best to be safe anyway"

The boys' flat was slightly larger than Lily's, with three bedrooms. But with five of them staying there and Peter sleeping on the settee it began to feel quite small. Lily stayed in James' room and Sirius, despite offering to share a room with Hermione was very firmly made to take the smallest room by himself. Remus was left to sleep on an inflatable mattress on the floor while Hermione took his bed. He lay still in the darkness but found sleep evaded him as long as he could smell her perfume. After an hour or so he noticed that her silhouette was shaking, she was crying into the pillow. He would have said something but the fact that she had waited until she thought he was asleep implied that she needed some privacy. At some point the pretence of sleep must have become a reality for him.

Hermione meanwhile, sniffled slightly. She was terrified. They were after her specifically, of course she had known this was likely but now she knew how Harry had felt. Thinking about Harry and the others back home was just as painful as the thought of the parents that she would never see again and, safe in the knowledge that Remus wouldn't hear she allowed herself a moment of genuine grief. Eventually she ran out of tears and gave herself a mental shake. She decided it was time to move on and, in true Hermione fashion, do something productive.

When Remus woke early the next morning, the bed next to him was empty. The covers had been neatly made and on the pillow was a scrap of parchment on which Hermione's beautiful handwriting simply said 'at Hogwarts'.

"Well I must say, Miss Granger" Dumbledore smiled, clearly impressed "I can't see any flaws in this research"

She breathed a sigh of relief "So you think it would be safe to try?"

He nodded "If this really is the same veil as the one you described it should work"

She sat back in her chair in silence for a moment. The sun was beginning to rise and both of them were grey faced with exhaustion. She rubbed her eyes "Thank you professor. Would you mind if I borrow some parchment before I head home again?"

The headmaster nodded and watched her leave over the frames of his glasses.

After sneaking down to the potions classroom and stealing some glass phials Hermione curled up on a window ledge and chewed her quill. The phrasing of this note was very important; eventually she sighed and began to write what would very possibly be her last ever letter to her friends. A few tears escaped onto the parchment and made the ink run in places but, with a huge amount of effort she got through it without completely breaking down.

Hermione forced herself to breathe deeply as she wrapped up the letter, instructions and gifts into a small bundle and charmed them as she had all her other letters before heading back to the flat, the weight on her shoulders feeling very heavy indeed.

**A/N: So this has all gone rather dark suddenly...I promise Hermione and Remus will have their oment but it's going to take them a while yet so you'll have to be patient with me. I think I've decided on what the ending of this story will be and I've even had an idea for a sequel. Rather than giving you a sneak peak of the next chapter I'm going to do any impromptu survey of sorts and ask a question, which I will ask again later. It won't make much sense now but it will when I write the sequel, so the question is this:**

_**If time and money were limitless and you could do something you've always wanted to do...what would that be?**_

**Review and let me know :)**


	17. Chapter 17

_But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain  
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain  
From my eyes  
Tonight I wanna cry_

When Hermione arrived back at the flat she barely had time to find her feet before lily ran straight into her and hugged her tightly "Where have you been?" she exclaimed "I was starting to get worried!"

She pulled back and dragged Hermione by the arm into the sitting room where everyone was waiting for her; the table was covered with beautifully wrapped presents. She stood in the doorway feeling completely confused, sure she'd missed something, perhaps it was someone's birthday and she'd forgotten. She was instantly embarrassed.

"Whose birthday is it?" she asked quietly

Remus laughed gently and slung his arm around her shoulders and whispered "It's yours"

"Oh" she gasped "is all this for me?"

Lily nodded "I realised last week, we couldn't let it just go by without having at least a little celebration"

Hermione looked for a second as though she might dissolve into tears again, then she let out a funny little squeak and flew round the room hugging them all so tightly that by the time she was finished they all looked rather ruffled.

"Well open them then" Sirius demanded, with the impatience of an excitable four year old. He seized the nearest present and pushed it into her hands.

She curled up into the nearest armchair, the first present was small, it was from Peter. She pulled back the paper rather tentatively to find a small box of Bertie Bott's every flavour beans. She smiled her thanks at him and he blushed awkwardly.

The next, rather haphazardly wrapped, was a book 'Time Travel: An Exploration' from Sirius and in a gift bag from Lily and James she found a collection of perfumes and bath salts. The last present was the smallest and was beautifully wrapped. When she unwrapped it she found the delicate little pearl earrings she had admired in London just a couple of days ago.

She looked at Remus, her eyes slightly misty "You remembered" she whispered

He blushed but looked her straight in the eye "Of course" he replied, almost falling as she launched herself into his arms and hugged him tightly.

An owl tapping impatiently at the window gave the rest of the group a very welcome distraction, they were beginning to feel like they had intruded on a very private moment.

Lily opened the letter "It's from the order" she called to Hermione "They reckon we're clear to go back to our flat, no one's tried to break in so they think it was just a coincidence"

"Seems unlikely" Hermione murmured "But if they think it's safe, we should head home, this place isn't really big enough for all of us"

"Oh I don't know" Sirius grinned mischievously "It's been nice and cosy"

Lily rolled her eyes "we'll see you tonight at the pub anyway"

It took the two girls next to no time to pack the things they had brought with them; Peter made some excuse to avoid setting foot in their apartment until he knew it was 'safe'.

James and Sirius elected themselves to floo back into the flat first to make sure it was safe. When they sent the all-clear through Lily followed. Hermione was prevented from stepping into the flames as Remus grabbed her arm and pulled her to one side

"Are you alright?" He said gently

"Why would you ask that?"

"I heard you crying last night and you looked awful this morning, is there anything I can do?"

A shadow passed over her face making her look for a split second, really tired but as quickly as it appeared it passed and she shook her head "No, I wouldn't worry too much, it's nothing I can't handle anyway" she sighed and gave him a weak smile before she left.

Harry was returning a stack of books to the library with Ginny and Ron. It was nearly midnight and it had been weeks since Hermione had disappeared but they couldn't bring themselves to stop looking. At least, Harry supposed, the castle had been completely cleared of excess magic, no one else was going to disappear any time soon.

It was as he returned a particularly dusty old tome to its shelf that a rather bulky package fell out onto his foot. He instantly recognised the handwriting on the envelope and the three of them abandoned the books and tore back up to Griffindor tower where they could read its contents unobserved.

Several order members were scattered on various sofas but they paid them no mind, Harry nearly tore the letter in his eagerness to get to the contents of the envelope.

'_Harry,_

_I've had a breakthrough of sorts. I think I found a way to bring Sirius back from the veil. I've written the details on the back of this letter. I'm also going to send you a couple of gifts from this time too; you of all people deserve them. If you've read some of the time travel books you'll know that I don't have much time left. In exactly a year the future me will be born and the universe won't be able to cope with two of me and somehow I will have to disappear._

_As far as I can see there is no way for me to come back home so this may be my last letter. I know you Harry, don't you __dare__ blame yourself if I don't get back, I have some wonderful friends here and things could be a lot worse. I'm not afraid. My only regret is that I won't be able to see you all again before it happens._

_So I suppose this is goodbye, at least for now, and if I don't get another chance I want to tell you I love you and Ron very much. You were my friends when no one else wanted to be. You deserve every happiness in life, tell Ron not to speak with his mouthful for me, tell Ginny she should buy that dress she loves in Hogsmeade and the twins should know that their love potions will work better if they brew them on a full moon. I only wish I could talk to them all properly._

_Goodbye, at least for now,_

_Love always, Hermione_

_P.S. Hurry up and propose to Ginny you moron!'_

Sure enough, the instructions were on that back of her letter. Harry sat in stunned silence while Ginny cried into his shoulder and the remaining order members stared at their little group. He felt the envelope, which still seemed rather bulky and another package fell out, this one wrapped in brown paper and tied up with string. Inside he found two phials that seemed to contain memories. One was labelled _'the time I asked Lily when she fell in love with _James' the other _'Lily and James dancing at graduation'_. Also in the package were several photographs, ones Harry had never seen before. There were pictures of picnics by the lake, parties in London bars and of the Marauders draped lazily across the Griffindor common room sofas.

The best photo by far was one of all the Marauders and Lily, beaming at him in their graduation caps. As he watched, Sirius said something to Remus who grinned and stepped out of frame for a moment before dragged a very embarrassed Hermione into a shot. The younger Remus slung an arm around her shoulders and she smiled the smile they all knew so well before she vanished and the scene replayed itself again.

He was touched that amid all the danger and chaos she had been thrown into the first thought she had was to send him things from his parents. Something beyond grief bubbled up inside Harry; something that made him set his jaw and slam his fist onto the arm of the settee. "I'm not giving up" he growled and stormed back to the library, Ron and Ginny following.

Remus Lupin sat in his armchair quietly. Even though he had been demonstrably alive for several weeks now, this was the first time Madame Pomfrey had allowed him to leave. She had run every possible test on him to ensure that he wasn't going to suddenly drop down dead again instead. She was still utterly baffled by how he had managed it, but all he would say was "It's Hermione"

He had been fully caught up on the situation but had until recently been forbidden to help on account of his 'condition'. Now that Harry and his friends had left he snuck quietly over to the sofa they had just vacated. Harry had taken the letter and parcel with him but one photo had fallen down the side of the cushions as Harry had stood up to leave.

Remus retrieved it and studied it carefully; it was a picture of him and his friends in a bar, barely even out of school they looked as though the whole world lay at their feet. James hugged lily tightly and had and Sirius beamed at whoever was holding the camera over the top of their pints of butterbeer. Lily was gesturing for someone to join them in the picture. Peter must have been holding the camera he realised, as Hermione appeared next to his younger self blushing in that little black dress he remembered so well.

His chest constricted with a long forgotten ache, feelings he had forced himself to swallow long, long ago were surfacing again. He remembered everything, the way her hair smelled, the way she looked at him, the way she laughed, everything came back at once and he could no longer separate the young woman who had been his first love from the little girl he had taught all those years before. Before he could stop them, a couple of tears fell onto the photo, he wiped them away angrily and, after checking that no one was watching, he pocketed the picture.

**A/N: Ok so we've hit a bit of dark patch but it will get better again soon I promise...review and let me know what you think. Please don't judge my spelling too harshly, stupid laptop broke for the second time in two years...thankfully I'd thought to save the story and the plot so far onto here but now I'm having to write it as I go in the Doc Manager without spell check. Thank you to every one who answered my bucket list question so here's a teaser for the next chapter:**

_'She suddenly realised he was leaning in to kiss her and she felt her resolve wavering, would one kiss really be so bad?'_


	18. Chapter 18

_The first time ever I kissed your mouth_  
_I felt the earth move in my hands_  
_Like the trembling heart of a captive bird_  
_That was there at my command my love_

Time only seemed to pass faster now Hermione was aware of the little time she had left. Halloween was gone and they were into November. Despite her desire to avoid establishing herself too firmly in this time she hadn't managed to avoid earning herself something of a reputation within the magical law enforcement department. The order was currently using her to scope out double agents and at the same time she was part of the team attempting to track down Voldemort. So immersed was she in her work that she often forgot to stop for food, Sirius and Remus had taken it upon themselves to ensure that she ate every day.

On this particular day, they struggled to find her behind the piles of papers on her desk

"Hermione, are you in there?" Remus called, peering over the top "we've come to take you to lunch"

She mumbled something about needing a second to find her coat. When she finally emerged her hair was tousled and one cheek was pink where she had been resting it on her hand. Remus thought she looked adorable. "Where's Sirius gone?"

She looked confused for a moment before she spotted his familiar form bent over a desk as he chatted to a blonde secretary who was blushing prettily. "I'll be there in a minute" he called, winking at his new friend

"But I'm hungry" Hermione whined, like a petulant little child. When the pair completely ignored her she stomped up to the desk "Sirius, this is Hannah, Hannah this is Sirius, yes she _is_ single, no he's _not _seeing any one at the moment and yes he _would_ like to take you to the firework display in Diagon Alley tonight. She'll meet you in the Leaky Cauldron at Seven" She seized the back of Sirius' leather jacket and dragged him into the corridor with a sniggering Remus in tow.

Sirius pouted at her "Hermione, you've ruined it now. Now she won't think I'm all mysterious and stuff"

She shrugged "I very much doubt she thought that anyway, besides, what are you moaning about? I've got you a date in about a quarter of the time it would have taken you"

That evening they all met in the Leaky cauldron. The November air had suddenly dropped several degrees and the night was crisp and cold. Hermione and Lily both arrived wrapped snuggly in jumpers and scarves, their cheeks pink. More or less unconsciously Hermione seemed to make a beeline for Remus and, even though they had only spoken a few hours ago, she greeted him as though it had been years.

Sirius, who had chosen to wait for his date outside found them just as they were making their way outside to watch the show. He looked distinctly dishevelled and seized Hermione's arm, making her jump.

"She's amazing" he grinned, wiping a smear of lipstick from his jaw "Thank you so so much" he planted an enormous kiss on her cheek before he joined Hannah at the front of the crowd with a shout of "Remus, you're a lucky man!"

Hermione looked up at Remus who, surprisingly wasn't blushing as he normally did, instead he just nodded at her and turned back to face the front as one by one the fireworks danced across the sky.

Despite the impressiveness of the light display and all the accompanying 'oohs' and 'aahs' it was difficult to ignore that loud noises coming from where Sirius and Hannah were apparently trying to eat each other's faces.

Remus frowned slightly, Hermione noticed "Does it bother you, that he's so popular with women like that?" she asked, resting her hand gently on his arm

He shook his head "Not exactly" he said quietly "I just don't understand how he does it, he just sets his sight on someone and immediately they're all over him. When women look at me all they see are my scars"

She gasped and forced him to face her right in the middle of the crowd "Remus Lupin" she hissed angrily "don't ever let me hear you say that again. Anyone who is likely to be put off by the odd scar is not worth bothering with." She was clutching her forearm tightly where he knew that _that_ word was still deeply etched "besides, a lot of women like men to have scars, it adds to their rugged charm"

She stopped abruptly, evidently she had said more than she had intended to. His eyes were twinkling mischievously, all his earlier melancholy forgotten. She turned determinedly to the front again until the show was over and absolutely refused to acknowledge his presence.

When the last firework had been let off, the crowd dispersed. Lily and James evidently decided they needed some privacy, while Sirius and Hannah apparently didn't need any and Remus and Hermione were left alone.

"Come on" he sighed, as they made their way back through the nearly empty pub "I'll walk you back"

As the cold air hit Hermione for a second time she shivered. Remus stepped in front of her and shrugged off his jacket, draping it around her shoulders. It took them both a second to realise that this movement had virtually brought them nose to nose.

"You're very beautiful you know" he murmured, she scoffed and looked away "I mean it" he insisted, forcing her to look back up at him

Her eyes widened in surprise "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me"

"Oh well, in that case I take it back" he grinned

She giggled and pinched him as a punishment; he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and pulled her even closer. She suddenly realised he was leaning in to kiss her and she felt her resolve wavering, would one kiss really be so bad? Just as she was about to lean the last couple of millimetres and kiss him she felt a tingle on the back of her neck, a sure sign that they were being watched.

She leaned up towards his ear and whispered in a voice that sounded like she was suggesting that they find the nearest available room and spend the night doing unspeakable things to each other. What she was actually saying was something like this "Remus, don't panic, but we're being watched. Don't look round just trust me, I just need my wand"

Her hand closed around her wand handle and in the smallest fraction of a moment she had pushed Remus to one side and stunned the barely visible figure lurking in the shadows a few feet away.

"Was that a death eater?" said Remus quietly

Hermione shook her head, stashing her wand again "I don't want to hang around to find out, he won't be alone"

"Come on then, you can't go back to yours by yourself, you're coming with me" he seized her hand and they disapperated away.

"My lord please forgive me" whimpered the hooded man at Voldemort's feet

"We have neither time nor room for failure. She was at her most vulnerable and you FAILED" Voldemort screamed, he took a deep breath and turning to the woman in the doorway "alright Bella, you can go after her now"

"Thank you my lord" she breathed "I will not fail you"

**A/N: So last chapter I got a record umber of reviews (10!) I was so excited, keep them coming they really keep me going while I'm neck deep in dissertations...we're halfway through now which was exciting, no sneak peek today but I'll hopefully have the next chapter up soon...till then happy January! :)**

**P.S. I read the most amazing time travel story ever today (not sure I should be admitting this - I don't want you leaving my story yet) called "A Little Trip" by remuslives - seriously go and look at it I thought it was amazing.  
**


	19. Chapter 19

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
Even the stars refuse to shine  
Out of the back you fall in time  
I somehow find  
You and I collide_

"Miss Granger" Professor Dumbledore said uncomfortably "Do you really think this is a good idea? You're always welcome at Hogwarts"

Hermione shook her head determinedly "No, I'm not dragging anyone else into this. If it's me they want they can bloody well try and good luck to them but I'm not going to put anyone else at risk."

They were between them in the process of warding Hermione's flat. After they had been followed on bonfire night Hermione had understandably been a little worried. In fact she had nearly burst into tears on her way home; she understood what Harry had felt for all those years.

By morning however, she had made up her mind. Remus had slept on the sofa, uneasy with the idea of leaving her alone after what had happened and knew when he saw her set her jaw resolutely over breakfast that she had come to a decision which neither time nor tide would shake her from.

When Lily got back from her night spent with James, looking dishevelled and deliriously happy, Hermione told her about the attack. She then told Lily to move in with James so that she would be safe; Hermione would stay at the flat by herself.

"I'm not going anywhere" Lily stared Hermione down, neither of them in the habit of giving in easily

Hermione sighed and closed her eyes "Look, because I know what the future will eventually be I know that you have to be kept safe and right now, safe is not anywhere near me. You can fight me on this if you want but I will just speak to James and you know he'll insist you go with him"

For the first time ever Remus watched Lily cave to someone else's opinion, she moved out the same day. Both he and Sirius tried to persuade Hermione to move in with them too but she refused, insisting that they had to be protected.

And so it was that Hermione and Professor Dumbledore were putting up the most powerful wards they knew around the flat and barring it as well as they could against all intruders. Remus watched, frowning. When Dumbledore left, late in the evening, he finally confronted her

"Why are you so determined to push everyone away from you?" he asked angrily

She was tired, it had been a long day and her back was aching "Because it's safer for everyone" she sighed, flopping into the nearest armchair

"Don't we get a choice?" she was surprised by the bitterness of his tone and turned to look at him

"It's not that simple" she muttered "you've no idea what a huge risk you're putting yourself at"

"Surely that's my choice" he was almost shouting now, so furious that she almost felt frightened, his eyes were bright amber "You don't get to make friends with all of us and then just cut us out of your life to save yourself a bit of inconvenient guilt. You can't expect us not to care!" he thumped the arm of the sofa in his anger "I really like you, possibly even love you, and yet you're pushing me away too"

"No Remus you mustn't say that" she said quietly "please find someone else"

"Would you just stop it?" he all but snarled "I don't want anyone else and I know you like me too, go on! Just try and deny it!"

She said nothing, staring at her hands

He ploughed on, pacing now "See! You pretend you're doing this to protect us all but all you're really doing is hurting everyone so you don't have to pretend to care if any of us get hurt. Have you always been this selfish?"

Her head snapped up, obviously he had touched a nerve; he regretted his words instantly as she advanced on him, fists clenched, radiating rage. "Don't. You. Dare." She spat "Don't you dare call me selfish! I am stuck in a period of time 20 years in the past, unable to contact my friends or family or even to know if I'll ever see them again. I live everyday with the knowledge that people will die and I can do nothing to stop that from happening because the future has to stay the same. I have to live with the fact that I am now Voldemort's enemy number one and he's going to stop at nothing until I'm dead so forgive me for wanting to keep the people I care about safe" she took a deep, shaky breath as tears began to spill down her cheeks "and if he doesn't get me then the time continuum will, in less than two years I will be born somewhere in London and the laws of magic won't let there be two of us so one of us will have to die. I know that no matter what I do, if I can't get back I've only got 18 months left to live. So don't you ever call me selfish"

She slumped back into her armchair and began to sob into her hands, deep, gut-wrenching sobs that shook her whole body.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry, I didn't-" he tried to put a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged him off

"Just go" she mumbled into her hands, refusing to make eye contact

He hesitated for a moment, hoping she would change her mind, but when she continued to ignore him, he grabbed his jacket and left, slamming the door in his anger at himself.

Hermione sat there a while longer, fighting to regain composure. She had never liked crying in front of people, never quite able to shake the feeling that she was in some way letting them win by doing so. This time was harder than most though. Remus had really touched a nerve and although she had been fighting with every ounce of willpower she had not to develop feelings for him, his words had cut like a blade, more than if someone else had said them.

She was jolted from her thoughts as Lily's head appeared in the fireplaces, surrounded by green flames "Is everything alright?" she asked, taking in Hermione's puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks

"Yes, I'm fine" Hermione forced a smile and rubbed her face clean "what's going on?"

Lily looked at her sceptically for a moment but obviously decided not to question her any further on the subject "Would you like to go Christmas shopping with me next weekend?" she smiled

"I'm not doing it" Harry exclaimed angrily, "I have rather more important things to worry about at the moment, Sirius is not on a time limit, Hermione is" if Harry hadn't known better, he'd have thought that Remus was trying to keep them from bringing Hermione back, almost as though he was afraid of what would happen if she came back.

Remus nodded "Then at least let me try, I can get Sirius back while you work on Hermione, I just don't think we should leave him in the veil any longer than we have to"

"Remus" Ginny frowned "Did something happen to Hermione that you know about? Is there something you're not telling us?"

He said nothing.

"If it will help us get her back, we need to know everything" she persisted

He looked directly at her for a moment, as though he desperately wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. Then he snatched up her instructions for saving Sirius "Some things should be left in the past" he said quietly before whirling out of the room.

**A/N: I'm so so so sorry it's been so long since I've posted but I have been working on a 10,000 word dissertation which sort of had to take priority for a little while...I'm going to try and update again before the end of february, review and let me know what you think because it's really your reviews that keep me writing. Also apologies for the spelling errors and stuff I'm still waiting for my laptop to be fixed. It was pointed out to me that a few chapters back I wrote about Lily putting 'willies' on her feet...I obviously meant 'wellies' (as in wellington boots - I don't know if 'wellies' is just a British term) and normally I'd go back and correct it but that spelling mistkae made me laugh so for comedy purposes I'm leaving it there for now. As usual, here's a sneak peak for next chapter:**

_James had obviously decided he should change the subject "did you hear about the Prewetts?" his voice was hushed_

_"Molly's family?" Lilly whispered_

_He nodded "last night, it was her brothers"_


	20. Chapter 20

_The perfect words never crossed my mind,_  
_Cause there was nothin' in there but you._  
_I felt every ounce of me screaming out,_  
_But the sound was trapped deep in me._

Diagon Alley was bustling with bodies. Several weeks had passed and it was early December, Hermione and Lily had attempted several times to go Christmas shopping but work or wedding arrangements seemed always to be in the way. Since the row with Remus he had stopped inviting Hermione to lunch, James or Sirius came by sometimes but it wasn't the same. Too proud to apologise when she couldn't see an alternative to the way she had acted she didn't go and seek him out. Instead she buried herself in her work and her research, which was probably why it was early December before they managed to arrange some Christmas shopping.

As they pushed their way through the crowds Christmas songs blared out of every shop door and the odd flake of snow was beginning to fall. Both girls were beginning to feel weighed down with the weight of their bags of shopping and, to avoid the hustle and bustle; they ducked into a tiny coffee shop. They sat down and ordered a hot chocolate, rubbing their hands together to warm their freezing fingers.

"It feels like so long since we've seen each other" Lily smiled as she was served a steaming mug "and I wanted to ask you something but it didn't seem right to do it by owl. The thing is, I only have one sister and she hardly approves of James, I don't really have many friends who are girls. But we get on really well, you're one of the best friends I've ever had, so I wanted to ask if you wanted to be my bridesmaid"

Hermione froze, she was so touched that she almost choked, but then she remembered herself "Lily, what if I'm seen? I have to try and be as invisible as possible"

Lily frowned "I'll make sure you're not in any of the photographs or anything and you won't need to sign any documents or anything, just please say you'll do it?"

She was met with a worried silence.

"Remus told me what you said the other day, about only having a little time left" she pushed on "and how you need to keep us safe. But I don't think you'd be here if it wasn't for a reason. Maybe you're here to help us, but the thing is, it comes down to whether you're going to let yourself live a little. There are a lot of things you won't be able to change so just relax and stop punishing yourself!"

Hermione sighed and seemed to sag for a moment, then she smiled "of course I will, I'm sorry, it's just a lot to juggle"

Lily squealed and hugged her "I'm so glad! And listen" she became serious "if there's _anything_, and I really mean anything, that any of us can do to help you find your way back safely, we'll do it. I promise"

They were quiet for a while as they sipped their drinks, Hermione felt suddenly very tired "Do you ever feel really old?" she asked suddenly, "I'm not even in my twenties yet but I already feel as though I've lived for centuries"

Lily shrugged "stress, I think, we'll all feel like it soon. Anyway, enough sad talk, we need to finish our shopping"

They pulled their scarves up around their ears again and ducked back out into the cold. It didn't take them long but they were exhausted by the time they reached the leaky cauldron with all their parcels and packages so it took them by surprise when they almost walked straight into Sirius and James.

"Well fancy seeing the two of you here" Sirius grinned

"Yes" Lily rolled her eyes "It's not like I told you this is where we would be or anything"

"well alright" James said, "we just thought we'd come and check on you, what with…" he trailed off, realising he had been looking directly at Hermione who obviously knew very well that she was the cause for his concern

"It's ok" she smiled briefly and then cast around for a change of subject "Where's Remus?" she was trying to sound casual

Sirius looked startled "Didn't you hear? Dumbledore sent him on a mission to the werewolf colonies in Ireland, to see if he can recruit some of them" He took one look at her face and gasped "didn't he tell you?"

They were all looking confused now; evidently they assumed he had told her. She gripped the edge of a table as the room began to spin. "no" she whispered "no, he didn't" she swallowed "did he say when he'd be back?"

"Well he couldn't say for sure" Lily whispered "he promised he'd be back in time for Christmas though"

Hermione nodded, not really feeling better, they didn't seem to appreciate the danger Remus might be in. It was all very well if she had saved his life by some miracle once, but what if her desire to keep him at a distance had been the very thing that made him accept the mission in the first place? Never had she felt so helpless.

James had obviously decided he should change the subject "did you hear about the Prewetts?" his voice was hushed

"Molly's family?" Lilly whispered

He nodded "last night, it was her brothers, both of them on a raid last night, they think it was Dolohov and his friends, Moody found them in their house early this morning"

Lily gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, Hermione felt sick.

When she spoke her voice was hoarse "I think I'm going to go home now, thanks for a lovely afternoon Lily, I'll see you soon"

"You don't look well" Sirius frowned "do you want me to see you back?"

She shook her head firmly, instantly regretting it because it made her head spin "No I'll floo back, thank you though"

As the green flames swirled around her at a sickening speed all she could think was that she hadn't achieved anything. She had kept people and life in general at arm's length and denied herself almost everything she had wanted for the sake of everyone else and it hadn't made a blind difference. Perhaps, she decided as she stepped into her sitting room, it was time to start being a little bit selfish.

**A/N: So I promised there'd be another update in time for the end of February and here it is! Huzzah! I've had a couple of reviews which have pointed out errors in some of the chapters...don't worry I'm going to try and straighten them out it's just that at the moment I've only got enough time to update or edit so I thought you'd rather I went with the whole updating thing for now. It's probably going to be at least a couple of weeks againbefore my next update as I have a presentation and a 2000 word essay due in the next two weeks and a 10,000 word dissertation due two weeks after that. But in the meantime here's another teaser:**

_"Everything alright?" Harry asked, rubbing his tired eyes, it was nearly midnight_

_They nodded "we think we've had a bit of a breakthrough" George smiled_


	21. Chapter 21

_But she'll bring out the best_  
_And the worst you can be_  
_Blame it all on yourself_  
_Cause she's always a woman to me_

At the next order meeting, Hermione sat at the table, feeling restless. Still there had been no word from Remus, he had been gone nearly a fortnight at this time. It was not unusual for those on reconnaissance missions to go quiet but it had set Hermione on edge. She was not a nail biter by nature but all her nails had now been bitten down to the quick.

The general hubbub caused by a large crowd in a small room subsided as Dumbledore entered, looking a little concerned. "We have received news" he said loudly and the entire room listened carefully "that Voldemort" there were several stifled gasps "is on the move again. He's started recruiting people from outside the normal boundaries of magic. At the moment we have reason to believe that he's recruiting from the Giant colonies in the mountains of Bolivia and it's only a matter of time before he moves on to the vampires and werewolves."

Molly Weasley who was sat in the corner, let out a faint squeak. It was the first time Hermione had noticed her there, her brothers had been murdered two weeks ago and yet here she was. She looked thinner, older and more frightened and sad than ever and yet she was still here. A feeling of awe washed over Hermione as she suddenly realized how much courage that must have taken. It is a sadly overlooked fact that often, those who possess the most courage are not the great warriors on the battlefield but the people back at home who, despite everything, get up every morning, lift their heads up and keep going. In that instant this knowledge hit Hermione and she saw Molly in an entirely new light.

Dumbledore was still talking "we have people out there working to try and limit the damage he can do, but in this circumstance we may need some input from you Miss Granger?"

Hermione jumped, all eyes were suddenly on her and she felt herself growing hot under their gaze "well" her voice cracked, she had never been good at public speaking "in my time he tried to infiltrate the ministry of magic too. He's got followers in a lot of the most powerful families and they've got a lot more sway than they should have, you'll need to watch out for the Malfoys and the Lestranges especially"

Arthur Weasley nodded as though she had just confirmed everything he'd ever suspected.

Professor Dumbledore continued, stroking his beard in thought "Thank you miss Granger, we'll keep a close eye on them. Which reminds me, you yourself are likely to be a prime target for them, you should consider heightening the security on your flat"

Hermione sighed "It's already fully warded, there's really not much else we can do"

"We could always set up a guard" James suggested, frowning "It couldn't do any harm"

"It could make a very big difference" she ploughed on defiantly "It could be the difference between there being some one to watch the ministry or not. Believe me, the wards on my flat are pretty advanced, if they want to have a go they're going to anyway. If they break through the wards they'll have me to deal with"

"And good luck to them" said Mad-eye Moody eyeing her affectionately in the way one might look at a favorite but slightly dangerous niece.

Despite the efforts of many of the order members Hermione would not be moved and so the meeting was adjourned for the present. People gossiped easily, glad for a break from the tension. In the corner, Molly and Arthur played with their young sons. Hermione's eyes widened as she recognised a tiny Charlie, watching with wonder as an only slightly bigger Bill showed him and Percy a little card trick. She realised with a jolt that Mrs Weasley must already be around 6 months pregnant with the twins. It was strange and almost painful to see these innocent, unmarked little faces and know just what would be waiting for them 20 years down the line.

"Everything alright Miss Granger?" Dumbledore was stood just behind her

She jumped but nodded "It's so hard to know what will happen but not be able to say anything"

He sighed and his eyes looked very sad for an instant "Often the burdens that weigh heaviest on us are the ones no others can see"

Hermione could have cried but she had cried too much and too often, instead she said "Professor, have you heard from Remus at all?"

He shook his head gently "I have not. I do not doubt that he is well, though, he is far hardier than you think him"

As if in agreement a general shout rose around the room and several people sped to the door at once, landing in a pile in the doorway.

Hermione stared in amazement as Lily disentangled herself from the pile of bodies, James and Sirius followed and it was soon evident that they had thrown themselves at someone who had just entered the meeting. It was only when they stood up that she recognized him. Disheveled, tired and thin though he was she'd recognize Remus' face anywhere. He caught her eye and they both just stared for a moment.

"I'm..." he started, she knew somehow that he was beginning to apologize for their row, she shook her head

"I know, me too" she whispered and hugged him tightly. This was a moment and a feeling that she would remember for the rest of her life, being hugged tightly by a man she really cared for, nearly overwhelmed with relief and unable to express any one of the tangle of her thoughts. For now though, she was happy to enjoy it as it happened.

* * *

Christmas seemed to come quickly after that. As soon as they were all back in London they settled quickly into their natural rythm. Hermione had promised not to be quite so standoffish and was finally able to have a little fun. Between them she and Lily even managed to cook a christmas dinner. Originally James and Sirius had volunteered but Lily had gotten so annoyed with them that she had kicked them out of the kitchen almost imediately.

Hermione looked around her on christmas afternoon. Lily was dosing in an armchair, James and Sirius were playing a particularly boisterous game of exploding snap and Remus could be heard in the kitchen fixing a snack for himself. She allowed herself to feel really grateful for being so openly welcomed by such generous people. After a while she decided that what was missing from this scene was a really good glass of wine so she got up and, as quietly as possible, made for the kitchen. So absorbed was she in her desire for a drink that she ran straight into Remus.

"Oof" he said loudly and she leapt backwards blushing furiously

"Sorry" she whispered, falling over her own feet in her embarassment

"No don't be" he caught her forearm so that she wouldn't fall right over

There was a loud whoop from Sirius which almost tripped Hermione up again.

"Look who's under the mistletoe!" he shouted from his position on the floor and Hermione noticed that Lily and James were watching them with similarly mischievous glints in their eyes, she turned to look back at Remus

His eyes had taken on that same amber hue as the day when he'd cornered her in her towel. Instead of making her feel nervous though, this time the look just made her feel very warm "Well I hate to disappoint" he almost purred before his lips descended on hers and the rest of the world disappeared. Hermione did not read many novels, she did not believe that a good kiss would make you see fireworks and hear music. This kiss though made it damn near impossible to concentrate on anything else, if a marching band had passed her in that moment she wasn't sure she would have noticed.

* * *

There was a tentative knock on the door and Harry looked up, The Weasley twins were standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Everything alright?" Harry asked, rubbing his tired eyes, it was nearly midnight

they nodded "we think we've had a bit of a breakthrough" George smiled

"With what?" he was so tired he was struggling to follow the thread of the majority of conversations

"With Hermione of course" Fred sighed "we've been approaching this from the wrong angle altogether"

**A/N: Ok Ok, I've been gone for far far too long and I'm really sorry. I am home for the holidays and my parents are currently without the internet. Th good news is that I've basically drafted all the remaining chapters of this story now and I've even got a vague plan for a sequel. The olds are due to get their internet connection fixed on Monday so all being well I will be able to update again next week. In the meantime though, here's a taster of the next chapter as usual:**

_"So" Harry grinned excitedly "we can get her back again can't we?"_


	22. Chapter 22

_Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels_  
_The dizzy dancing way you feel_  
_As every fairy tale comes real_

The Order was buzzing, there was a rumor that the Weasley twins through some random moment of genius had found a way to bring Hermione back. Most people were surprised that they had gone to the effort, given that they had never been very close to her but they (and in particular Fred) had been just as tenacious as Harry, Ron and Ginny in their work to bring her back. If you had walked into the old Order headquarters now you would have found them in total disarray. Harry and Ron ran excitedly between the twins, carrying lunar charts, diagrams of vanishing cabinets and various other sheets of paper. For the first time in month everyone began to feel that they were really onto something, the excitement was palpable.

"So" Harry grinned excitedly "we can get her back again can't we?"

Fred nodded frowning "I can't see why not, we'll have to wait a couple of months for the eclipse and we'll need seven people to perform the charm or it won't be powerful enough"

"The timing would have to be absolutely perfect" George continued "or it would all be for nothing. It's going to take a lot of work to pull this off well"

"But there's still a way?" Ron was grinning like a maniac, hope was something they had been running rather short on.

* * *

Hermione hadn't been so content in weeks. She was at the Potter family's New Year's Eve party, sipping champagne and watching as her friends whirled around the floor without a single care. Lily smiled as James whispered something into her ear and pulled her close.

Hermione perched at the makeshift bar between Remus and Sirius. The latter's eyes were roving around the room, searching for any woman he hadn't yet tried his charm on. His gaze landed on Hermione who was smiling gently and fanning her pink face with her hand.

"Alright love" he grinned "who are you kissing at midnight?"

She looked at him startled but made no answer

"You could always kiss me" he waggled his eyebrows and she giggled "I promise I'll be a gentleman"

She rolled her eyes and patted his shoulder "I'm sure you would dear but I'm fine thanks. There's a redhead by the window who's been eying you up for the last ten minutes"

His head whipped round and he examined the girl carefully before turning back to Hermione and giving her a gleeful kiss on the cheek. "Hermione" he said loudly as he left "you are an absolute doll"

She smiled and turned back to Remus who was looking at her with raised eyebrows "What?" she asked

"You just turned down the opportunity to kiss Sirius Black"

"I just don't fancy him" she shrugged

"Are you joking? Everyone fancies him, even I do sometimes"

She giggled again before turning suddenly serious "There's just someone I'd rather be kissing instead" she blushed, this was a level of boldness she was unused to in herself so she downed the last of her drink and turned back to her companion "Come on" she said a lot more confidently than she felt "It's ten to midnight and we need to dance"

Remus felt himself being pulled into the middle of the dance floor and pressed up against a suddenly very friendly Hermione. It was certainly a nice feeling but after all her insistence that they remain just friends it was slightly confusing. For all his extensive education and training nothing had taught him how to deal with a situation like this. She must have noticed he was uncomfortable because she looked at him with worried eyes, he tried his best to relax, midnight was three minutes away and just friends or not he was damned if he wasn't going to take advantage of that. But always at the back of his mind was the knowledge that she was at least tipsy and he couldn't work out for the life of him why she was doing this.

She sighed against his chest and stopped dancing, she grabbed his hand and ed him into the hallway, away from everyone else

"Right" she said firmly pushing him down into a chair "we need to talk, don't we?"

He sighed "we seem to do a lot of talking but we never actually get anywhere"

She leant against the wall and then without looking at him she whispered "do you really like me that much?"

He jumped to his feet "Hermione" he was exasperated now "Of course I do, you're the most amazing person I've ever met and-"

She held up a hand "alright, shut up a minute, I have to say something and if you interrupt I'll chicken out" she waited for his nod before she ploughed on "The thing is I like you too, I have ever since we first met but I didn't want to say anything because at some point I'll either disappear or die and I don't think it would be worth that hurt. I'm also not sure future you is going to approve of this, in fact you might be quite angry with me. So if we're going to do this we're going to have to be careful and try to avoid hurt as much as is possible ok?"

He nodded, slightly confused "I may have gotten the wrong end of the stick here, but are you trying to ask me out?"

She blushed "I suppose so, I'm still not sure it's a good idea from your point of view I had a talk with Lily, she said that I should stop pushing people away and it was your decision to get involved with me and I should enjoy however much time I had left. And then hen you were gone for so long on that last mission I was so scared for you and I realised how much I really cared about you" she was pacing now "so what do you think?"

He didn't answer immediately and she was forced to look at him. His eyes had taken on the same predatory gleam they had when he had seen her in her bath towel and his grin made her shiver. "I think" he said slowly and deliberately making his way towards her until they were barely inches apart "that you talk far too much" and he kissed her so passionately that she could feel goosebumps on her arms. At that moment the clock struck midnight and there were cheers from the rest of the party goers.

The noise was such that they broke apart "happy new year" she whispered shyly.

It was some time later that he walked her to the front door of her building and kissed her forehead, her nose and her lips "you don't have to kiss me every time we stand still you know" she teased

I know" he shrugged "but it's nice to be allowed to" he kissed her once again, so softly this time that she could have cried "I'll see you on Monday"

She smiled "definitely" with some effort she turned away from his and took out her keys. She walked all the way up to her flat humming contentedly and didn't even notice that her front door had been forced until a jet of blue light came at her out of nowhere and the world fell away.

**A/N: THEY FINALLY KISSED! Another chapter is up as promised and it took me less than a month to do it. Once again, here's a sneak peak of the next chapter:**

_"Alright, I'll tell you everything I know" Hermione gasped, she waited until they had quietened before she whispered "birds fly south in winter"_

**And keep reviewing, it really helps with the whole motivation thing :) X**


	23. Chapter 23

_And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope_  
_It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat_

It was sunday morning and Lily was very excited, her wedding was only a couple of months away and she was taking her best girl friend out for sunday brunch and then they were going to get her fitted for a bridesmaid's dress. She knew exactly the dress she wanted Hermione to wear, it was a deep burgundy and would suit Hermione beautifully.

She was about 15 feet from Hermione's flat when she realised something must be terribly terribly wrong. She sent her patronus to the boys without even thinking and kept her wand firmly in hand until they arrived only seconds later.

Remus was so tense that he couldn't even bring himself to speak, he just ran into Hermione's flat without a thought for whether anybody might have been waiting in there. What he saw made his stomach lurch.

He heard Sirius swear behind him and Lily let out a horrified gasp. The place had been ransacked, the handbag Hermione had been carrying on New Years Eve just two nights ago lay on the floor a couple of feet from them, the handle of her wand poking out of a pocket. Furniture had been upturned and papers and books scattered everywhere. There was a stain on the floor that looked horribly like

"Blood" James gasped, his voice hoarse with shock

"She did say that she might suddenly go back to her time" Peter said nervously from the doorway

"Oh and I suppose she realised she was being called back ad decided that the bast course of action would be to tear her front door off its hinges and mess up her apartment before bleeding on the floor?" Sirius growled, so angry his hands were shaking

"Don't be ridiculous Peter" Lily snapped in an uncharacteristically harsh voice "they've got her"

"I'll send a message to Dumbledore" James said grimly "Don't worry Remus, whoever did this is going to be very sorry"

Remus didn't answer, his face was grey and he was staring in horror at the wall behind them, they had been so shocked by the scene in front of them that they hadn't looked for anything else. Carved into the wall were the words '_time's up_'

"Oh god" he croaked "What do we do?"

Lily put a firm hand on his shoulder "we send a patronus to the order and then we get to headquarters, Dumbledore will know what to do"

Remus could never remember how it had happened afterwards, he felt as though he was wandering around in some kind of garish nightmare. The first coherent thought he remembered was when he arrived at the headquarters to see Severus Snape looking distinctly the worse for wear.

"Oh perfect" James roared "what the hell are _you_ doing here?"

Snape bristled "It's nothing to do with you Potter"

"you're a sodding death eater" Sirius snarled

"And Mr Snape has just helped us to find Miss Granger's location"

"But he's one of them!" James was enraged

"Mr Potter" Dumbledore said in the sternest voice any of them had ever heard "It is dangerous to ask so many questions, I trust you will tell no one of this, I would ask you to trust my judgement on this one and, outside of these rooms to keep your mouth _shut_"

The boys were rather meek as they followed Dumbledore into the main room, Lily however lingered a second to talk to Snape

"Why are you helping us?" she whispered, frowning

For a moment he looked like the boy she had known from her childhood "She reminds me of you, she sees good in every one as well, even when she shouldn't" then the old cold mask descended and he followed the others, leaving Lily wondering if the moment had ever occurred at all.

* * *

Hermione woke up with her head throbbing. Her hair was caked onto the side of her head with dried blood and her wrists and ankles ached, they had been so tightly bound that she could feel neither her fingers nor her toes. She was cold and confused but she recognised the dingy dungeon instantly. It gave her an odd shiver to know that in about 20 years she would be in this same house screaming in agony as Bellatrix Lestrange cackled maniacally.

It was at this point that she heard the door open, Antonin Dolohov and Augustus Rookwood entered the room and grinned at her lasciviously. She scrambled back against the wall of her cell as she realised she had no wand and probably didn't have the strength for more than one wandless spell. They threw the door open and seized an arm each before dragging her up the stairs, not caring that she could not stand so her knees hit the edge of every step with a sharp thud on the way up.

She was placed in a chair in the centre of a circle of death eaters, Voldemort unsurprisingly was no where to be seen. Those who were present wore masks, some one must have noticed her slight smirk because a voice to her right hissed "Is something amusing?"

"Just your level of cowardice" Hermione knew normally that it was not the best idea to go angering them but she needed to stall them long enough for the order to realise she was missing and this was the only option apparent to her at the moment "I mean" she pressed on, ignoring the waves of anger reverberating around the room "if your ideas were worth anything at all, if even you had any conviction there'd be no need to wear masks would there?"

One particularly livid death eater raised his wand but she heard Lucius Malfoy's voice hiss "No! The Dark Lord needs her"

He pointed his wand at her "You should know that we will spare you no pain and you will tell us everything you know of the future everyone talks eventually"

Hermione nodded "in that case you should know that I would bite off my own tongue before I tell you anything"

Then the pain came, she knew it was going to. She could hear herself screaming but she knew how to cope with it this time, the trick was to remember just what you were trying to protect. In her mind she held a perfect image of Lily and the Marauders, of Harry and the Weasleys and everything else that she loved with all her being. Even after nearly an hour of on-and-off exposure to the cruciatus curse, she was sweating, weak and gasping for breath but her mind was stillhers and sharp as a pin.

"Tell us what you know, NOW!" Bellatrix Lestrange was holding her up by her hair and screaming in her ear

"Alright, I'll tell you everything I know" Hermione gasped, she waited until they had quietened before she whispered "birds fly south in winter"

"What?" some one hissed

"Birds fly south in the winter" she repeated slowly, as if talking to a child "The capital of Italy is Rome, the word karaoke means-"

She never got to finish her sentence as someone's fist slammed into her face and knocked her to the floor. Dimly, in the swirling mess above her, she heard people shouting and flashes of light danced through the general blur, then a familiar rough hand was in hers and the world was dark again.

**A/N: So it's a weensy bit shorter than usual but it is complete...so here it is. I wasn't sure if Hermione worked like this, I feel like I might have made her a little too mouthy. Anyway let me know what you think.**

**Also here's a bit from the next chapter:**

_Rarely had Harry been more excited. They had done it, they had really done it. The twins had been working day and night with him and Ron and Ginny and somewhere in the footnote of a textbook at the back of a shelf somewhere they had found a way to exploit the loophole they had discovered._


	24. Chapter 24

_Tears and fears and feeling proud_  
_To say "I love you" right out lou_d

When Hermione woke up someone was dabbing her forehead with a damp cloth. She felt as though her entire body had been out through the mangle and every tiny movement grated, as though all of her joints had been filled with sand. Slowly she forced her eyes open, she was in her bedrengel ever before had she so appreciated just how comfortable her lovely bed was. The sun light shining in at the window was so bright that it made her eyes ache so she turned her head away a little.

At that moment the door opened and Lily walked in, she gave a little squeak when she saw that Hermione's eyes were open.

"You're awake!" she almost cried, doing a little dance in the doorway

"How long have I been asleep?" Hermiones's mumbled thickly, her brain still foggy

"About ten hours I think" Lily's eyes were watery "I'll call Remus, he's been so worried about you! You gave him a bit of a fright I think"

Hermione barely had time to blink again before Lily had called Remus and he had come barrelling into the room. The second he saw her looking back at him he launched himself at the bed and showered her face with kisses "thank god you're ok" he gasped " I thought we were never going to find you and then you looked so ill when we did"

"Remus" she interrupted "lovely as this is and everything, you're sitting on my legs and they're still a little sore"

He leapt backwards as though he had accidentally scolded her "I'm so sorry"

She grasped his hand tightly "it's ok, it was quite a nice welcome back, besides I'm not made of china, I'll recover soon enough"

"good" Lily answered smiling at the pair of them "because the order will want to question you later today, they need to know who was there and what was said"

Eventually Alastor Moody was sent to question Hermione. His normally harsh expression softened considerably at the sight of her bruises. She could tell he was struggling to find the words to say something comforting and decided to save him the trouble

"Constant vigilance" she rolled her eyes and smiled "I know"

He let out a surprised bark of a laugh and Remus managed a shaky chuckle from his position in the corner.

More relaxed now, Moody pulled up a chair by the bed and so began the longest interrogation in the history of the world. He was suitably impressed that she had not given anything away asking her again and again how she had managed to keep her mouth shut in spite of the agony of torture.

"I take it you've experienced something of this kind before then?" he asked as they wound the interview up

She nodded and they both glanced at the scar on her forearm, then she forced a smile again. Moody sometimes forgot just how young she was, her eyes held wisdom beyond their years while her posture and expression often made her look as though she were nearing her late twenties rather than just beginning them. Only when she smiled did she shed all of that and look like the young woman she truly was.

"I think it comes down to what you're prepared to trade, if I had betrayed you all I might have lived but I would also have to live with the knowledge of what I had done, and when you see it like that it's not really much of a choice"

Not long after that Moody left and Remus resumed his position at her bedside, they sat in silence until he laced his fingers through hers

"I love you, you know"

She jumped and turned to stare at him wide eyed, he refused to make eye contact with her, instead staring at their hands as he ploughed on

"I've never met anyone like you, ever. You're brave and loyal and clever and kind. When they had you I was so scared because it had taken so long just to convince you to let me take you on a date and then you might be gone forever. I know you can't stay here forever but I think it's about time I told you I love you because I don't know how many more chances I'll get"

She squeezed his hand tightly, forcing him to look at her finally "I told you not to say that" she smiled weakly "but I'm really glad you did" and then she kissed him, as hard as her bruised mouth would allow

* * *

Rarely had Harry been more excited. They had done it, they had really done it. The twins had been working day and night with him and Ron and Ginny and somewhere in the footnote of a textbook at the back of a shelf somewhere they had found a way to exploit the loophole they had discovered.

They could bring Hermione back. Apparently the vanishing cabinets of Hogwarts like the paintings operated outside of normal boundaries. The excitement amongst all of them was almost palpable. He couldn't help but feel that they had all underestimated how much she mattered to all of them. Since she had left the dynamic of their group had not been quite right. Without her Harry had no one to confide in, Ron had no one to irritate and the twins missed having someone to tease.

Fred had an extra reason to save Hermione. In the heat of the final battle with curses flying everywhere, he had felt a spell shoot past his right ear, barely missing him. He whirled around and realised that Hermione had been the one to fire it, before he had time to ask why he was engulfed in a cloud of dust, the remnants of a stone column that, seconds later, would have crushed him. When it cleared she had already gone, searching for Harry and Ron, and he was left blinking and stunned. Since then he had been keen to return the favour and now this opportunity had presented itself. He and George had found the vanishing cabinets and he had even found another painting through which Harry could send Hermione one last message.

* * *

"psst!" Hermione fidgeted in her sleep "psst!" the voice said again

She sat up in bed and looked around, dazed. There was a tiny picture of a ballerina, no more than two inches high hanging at the foot of her bed and it appeared to be talking to her.

Careful not to wake Remus, who was asleep in the chair next to her bed, she crawled closer to the frame and found that the tiny figure was staring directly at her, mid-plié as she watched the girl began to talk to her

"I bring you a message from your friend Harry"

"How do I know I can believe that?" Hermione whispered back

The ballerina rolled her eyes and pirouetted "he said you'd ask that, he says that your favourite book is 'Hogwarts: A History'" she waited for Hermione's nod of approval before continuing to bounce on the tips of her dainty little toes "he says they can bring you back, you need to climb into the vanishing cabinet in the room of requirement at Hogwarts at sun down two weeks from today"

Hermione's brow furrowed "that seems oddly specific, where did he find that out?"

The little figure huffed impatiently and twirled again "the twins found it, there's a loophole apparently, it's all very boring and I stopped listening after a while but I think they said that that's when the magic is strongest…something about the moon. Anyway, it's the only chance you'll get so you'd better not mess it up" the ballerina curtseyed and went back to dancing.

"Two weeks today? Did I hear that right?" said a quiet voice behind her. Hermione paled, Remus had heard the whole conversation

She nodded "That's the day of Lily and James' wedding" her eyes were swimming with tears

He hugged her so tightly it was hard to breathe and she stayed there, crushed to his chest until she fell asleep again.

**A/N: So I'm back, last essay EVER has been handed in and I'm FREE for a few weeks before I have to move to the real world and get something I believe is called a job. So I'm not overly happy with this chapter, it doesn't feel long enough and it doesn't scan quite as well as I would like. Anyway, let me know what you think and here's the teaser for the next update:**

_Remus shook his head "I've come to steal Hermione for a bit"_

_Hermione looked confused so he bent down to whisper "They've had you all day and they can spend as much time with you as they want over the next fortnight but for the next twenty four hours I'm being selfish and keeping you all for myself"_


	25. Chapter 25

_So when I see you next we'll make the most of it,  
Tell the sun to start moving again,  
The taste of your kiss I still got on my lips,  
And I'll take you there with me_

Lily had cried when Hermione told her, heartbroken over the sudden loss of her first female best friend. James and Sirius had both hugged her and Sirius had even said, in a very gruff voice, that he would miss her a lot. Remus had left before Hermione woke up, apparently he had told James that he had some thinking to do so he was going for a walk.

At Hermione's insistence, they continued the day as normal. Lily and Hermione went to the final fitting of Lily's wedding dress and to choose a bridesmaid dress for Hermione. They tried to keep the conversation as light as possible. Hermione made a point of trying on some ridiculously frilly, flouncy dresses just to make Lily smile.

"Are you sure?" Hermione giggled, twirling in her Little Bo Peep inspired dress "it even comes with a hat and shepherd's crook"

Lily had curled up in her chair with laughter, the sight of Hermione drowning in the hideous pile of sugar pink and violet frills had been too much for her. "Alright" she said when she finally composed herself "try that nice burgundy one on now"

Hermione disappeared back into the changing room and re-emerged in a dress that reminded Lily of the dresses she had seen her mother wear in black and white photographs from the 1950s. "That's it" she croaked "that's the dress you should wear"

In a second Hermione was crouched in front of her "come on" she whispered "we agreed, no tears. We knew there was a chance this was going to happen and now it has, so let's just make the most of the time we've all got left"

Lily nodded "It's just that I'm going to miss you" she sniffled "I've no idea how Remus is going to cope"

Hermione shook her head "He told me he loved me last night"

"I knew it! What did you say?"

"That I love him too of course, I never meant for this to happen, I always knew that it was dangerous but I just couldn't help myself. I'm going to miss him so much, well all of you"

"But won't you be glad to be going home?"

Hermione nodded "I miss everyone there so much but I think I've been here too long. I don't really belong in either place anymore"

Lily sighed and patted Hermione's hand gently "I'm sure it'll be just like nothing has changed. Now, the boys are waiting for us at the Leaky Cauldron and we're all going to have lunch together"

At lunch Remus was noticeable by his absence and the remainder of the group of the group was rather more subdued than usual. To an outsider it must have appeared as if someone had deflated them all. Things perked up around dessert when there was a clatter at the door and they turned to see Remus standing in the door way looking fiercely determined.

"We thought you'd run away" Sirius teased

Remus shook his head "I've come to steal Hermione for a bit"

Hermione looked confused so he bent down to whisper "They've had you all day and they can spend as much time with you as they want over the next fortnight but for the next twenty four hours I'm being selfish and keeping you all for myself"

* * *

When Hermione woke up the next morning she could not contain the grin that kept spreading across her face. She grabbed Remus' top off of his bedroom floor and pulled it on so that she was essentially covered.

Her hair, she knew, was a complete mess. It didn't even bear thinking about. After they had left the pub the day before, to many raised eyebrows from their friends, they had gone for a long walk and talked about how Hermione's imminent departure would affect them. Then they had gone back to Remus' place and spent all night engaged in other activities that involved very little talking, hence the clothes littered all over Remus' floor. Giggling to herself she stretched and began to follow the smell of breakfast to the kitchen.

"I was just about to bring you a tray" Remus pouted, dishing up the last of the food he had been frying onto a plate

"hmm, breakfast in bed sounds nice" she purred, slipping her arms round his waist and sighing as he nuzzled at her neck

"Well after last night I guess we both need a rest and something to eat, you def- is that my shirt?"

It was sometime late in the afternoon when Hermione woke again, Remus was still snoring softly. She took the moment to try to memorise him just as he was in this moment. She knew as soon as she went back Remus would be engaged to another woman and all of life would continue as if the past few months had never existed. Unless some miracle persuaded him to abandon Tonks and declare his undying love for a girl he had gone out with briefly twenty years ago, they would all return to life and pretend nothing had changed. All of this would be lost to her forever. But in this exact moment, _this_ Remus was hers and she loved him more than she had ever loved any man.

While asleep he was completely unguarded and she found herself running a finger down on of the many scars on his abdomen, tracing it along his shoulder and down across his ribs. A sharp intake of breath told her that she had woken him up

"I know you hate your scars" she whispered "but I love them, they're part of you"

"Unfortunately" he sighed "not everyone feels that way"

"Everyone who matters will" she sounded indignant now

"What am I going to do when you leave?"

"You're going to move on, you're' going to live your own life and do your best to forget you ever knew me"

"Why can't I just wait for you, what if we met again?"

"You can't wait twenty years for me. Promise me you won't do that to yourself Remus"

His shoulders slumped "I promise, I just wish we could have had more time"

"Me too, but perhaps it's better this way, at least our relationship will never have had time to collapse" She forced a smile "now let's have some lunch"

**A/N: So this is now officially the longest fic I've ever written! And there was such a lovely response to the last chapter I decided to post this one ASAP. Again I think it's a bit short so here's a slightly longer teaser from the next chapter:**

_She nodded and sipped her glass of champagne "I can't think of a nicer way to see everyone for the last time"_

_"Would you honour me with a last dance?" he nudged her with his elbow_

_"When was our first?" she accepted his hand and they joined the numerous other pairs rotating around the floor_

_"In the Gryffindor Common Room on the last day of school" he feigned hurt "I'm appalled that you don't remember"_

**I'm working on an idea I have for the sequel to this which I think will be called 'La Vie En Rose' (after the Louis Armstrong version of course) I've written the ending to this fic and though I'm still refining it, it's deviated somewhat from the original plan and is definitely going to require a sequel. I'm also going to start work on an Avengers fic in the next couple of months so if you're an avengers fan, keep an eye out for that. Anyway, read and review! :)**


	26. Chapter 26

_So now you've got my heart  
And it hurts cause it's still on fire  
And now I cry  
Cause there's nothing left but a "Goodbye"_

Hermione hardly knew how the two weeks leading up to Lily and James' wedding went. Every few days Remus would claim her undivided attention for several hours and the rest of her time her time was split between spending time with James and Sirius and helping Lily to plan her wedding. God alone knew how Lily was managing it because Hermione felt exhausted. The emotional strain, she supposed, didn't help much. She had thought herself so very clever, trying to maintain an emotional distance from all of them and in the end she had failed. They had wrapped themselves around her heart like ivy and it hurt to think of leaving them behind, never to see half of the group again.

In spite of it all, though, the day of Lily and James' wedding dawned fairly sunny for January. There was a crisp frost underfoot but not the slightest sign of rain. This might have been her last day with all of them but she was determined that it would be a happy one. The sun was due to set at about 4:30 which gave Hermione about three hours after the ceremony to show say her goodbyes at the wedding reception and then leave.

Lily looked absolutely breath-taking in her wedding dress, she virtually glowed. Never had Hermione seen her so bubbly.

"Does it look ok?" she gushed as Hermione entered her room "I think I've finally sorted out my hair and makeup, they had to take my dress in again this morning. I told you that was the bridesmaid dress for you, how are you doing?"

"You look perfect" Hermione answered smiling "Are you nervous?"

Lily shook her head "I want to spend the rest of my life with James, however long that might be. I've known that for a long time, all I'm doing today is officially saying that"

"I was hoping you might be" Hermione joked "I had a whole speech prepared and everything. Well, never mind. Are you ready to go?"

It was a beautifully simple service, James' mother cried. It was a tiny church really, and the marauders and a handful of Order members more or less filled it. Both Lily and James had been a little nervous on the walk into the church but as their eyes met it was as though everything in the world just fell into place. Hermione let a few tears escape as she watched, knowing just how limited their time together would be.

As she watched them dance their first dance, though, she realised that they were too wonderful together. Perhaps this made up for the fact that they only had two years left to live, their lives were too good. She found some strange comfort in knowing that the little time they were given would be so perfect they might have designed it themselves.

"Are you ok?" a voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned to see Sirius standing next to her, also watching the couple on the dance floor

She nodded and sipped her glass of champagne "I can't think of a nicer way to see everyone for the last time"

"Would you honour me with a last dance?" he nudged her with his elbow

"When was our first?" she accepted his hand and they joined the numerous other pairs rotating around the floor

"In the Gryffindor Common Room on the last day of school" he feigned hurt "I'm appalled that you don't remember"

She laughed as she remembered being dragged around the room in that moment of reckless abandon. It felt as though it was years ago now, not mere months. "Oh yes, I'm surprised you remember that"

He grinned at her "I still think we would have been good together, but you spurned me for Remus"

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist him"

"It's too late" he clutched his chest "my heart is broken forever"

They lapsed into silence for a minute until Sirius caught sight of Remus standing in the corner "I don't know what he's going to do without you"

"He'll manage" she sighed "He's going to have good friends to look after him and one day he'll meet someone else and they'll be perfect for each other"

The reception was something of a blur after that. The goodbyes were exhausting; Lily clung to her so tight that they had had to be prized apart. Before Hermione knew it she was stood in that familiar Hogwarts corridor with Remus as the shadows lengthened

"You don't have to go" his tone was almost pleading

"I do" she sighed "I was never meant to be here to begin with, now it's time to go home"

"I'm going to miss you"

"I'll miss you too, but this is for the best" Her voice caught in her throat as the tears which she had held back all day finally spilled over "It never would have worked out anyway, what with you being a Pisces"

He laughed but it was forced and sounded painful and then he pulled her to him and kissed her with such passion that she knew that this kiss would be burned into her memory forever. She could have stood there forever but the sun was sinking fast so she did the hardest thing she had done yet, she took a deep breath and turned away.

The room of Requirement had never seen such a tense silence, Harry checked his watch for the hundredth time and glanced out of the window again.

"I think it's time" he said finally

"Right-o" said Fred, rolling up his sleeves as George drew his wand, the rest of the order followed suit

"Now does everyone know the spell?"

If Hermione had felt disorientated travelling backwards in time, it was nothing to travelling forwards. She thought later that the feeling was something akin to the way the room span if you closed your eyes after drinking too much. The Vanishing Cabinet was not huge and she had sort of folded herself up to fit inside. For a minute nothing happened and she wondered if this had all been some elaborate prank. Then there was a rattling and the cabinet began to tremble as though it was being shaken to pieces.

Just as she began to worry that there was every chance she might die cramped up in this tiny over-hyped wardrobe, the movement stopped and she was forcibly ejected onto a cold stone floor.

Hermione was sprawled on the floor, her face hurt. She was scared to open her eyes in case it hadn't worked, or worse, she had been sent to another time period again and was doomed instead to spend her life bouncing around history like some hideous real life episode of quantum leap.

A hand gripped hers, quickly followed by several others and she was pulled to her feet

"Are you ok?" a familiar voice asked

She finally braved opening her eyes and nearly shrieked with joy when she saw Harry, the Weasleys and the remainder of the order staring back at her

"Ok?" she choked "you're here, all of you. If you want I could fly"

She was buried under a wave of redheads, Ginny was crying. The twins took turns in picking her up and whirling her round. Over one of their shoulders she caught sight of Remus, holding Tonks' hand tightly. His expression was unreadable.

She turned away and her eye caught the ring glittering on Ginny's finger "Oh Harry" she gasped "you finally proposed"

He blushed and nodded "We'll have to catch you up on everything that's happened"

"I can't wait" she smiled

"Well you'll have to wait a little longer" Mrs Weasley interrupted "I imagine time travel can be quite tiring and Hermione looks pale. So let's just get her home and you can fuss over her tomorrow morning"

Molly Weasley's molly-coddling had rarely been so welcome.

**A/N: AAAAHHH! so she's back. You'll have to wait a while to see how this plays out s I'm still refining the ending and playing around with some different possible endings. Anyway, Here's a teaser:**

_"What happened to you? You're so quiet lately." Fred whispered "I understand why you wouldn't want to tell Harry, Ron or Ginny, in case they're angry with you afterwards, but I won't judge you at all. So if you want an impartial ear, I'm happy to listen" _

**And I'll update ASAP**


	27. Chapter 27

_But now it's just another show  
You leave 'em laughing when you go  
And if you care, don't let them know  
Don't give yourself away_

It wasn't difficult to avoid Remus over the next couple of weeks. There were so many people desperate to see her and ministry officials were queuing up to interview her. They were terrified that she might have somehow destroyed something important. Eventually even Harry got fed up and forbade any more interviews.

Harry wanted to know all about his parents and everything she could remember. She told him what she could, keeping certain things to herself. He delighted over even the smallest particulars and asked to hear every story multiple times. Then Ron wanted some time with her so that they could catch up. After that, Ginny would commandeer her time to talk over wedding plans and go into excruciating detail about dresses, seating plans and music. If there was time over lunch the three of them would go over anything that she might have missed. This at least was not awkward, they had always treated her absence as though she was on a kind of extended holiday, certain that she would at some point return. Between the three of them and everyone else who apparently desperately needed to talk to her, Hermione barely had two minutes a day to herself.

In those two minutes though, she wished she had company. Anything to distract herself from the emotions that kept washing over her, she missed the marauders terribly. Guilt made no sense, she knew very well that she had done all that she could and nobody blamed her for not doing more. So she pushed any sense of guilt away and refused to give it any credit. The sadness was genuine though and she could do nothing when that washed over her.

Remus was another problem again. She had known that when she left him behind in the past their relationship would end. Too much time had passed for him and besides, he was in a relationship now and had been for some time. In any case she couldn't separate this present Remus from the one who had been her teacher when she was in her early teens. Somehow she couldn't reconcile this Remus with the one she had left behind. They weren't the same person in the same way as she was no longer the same person as she had been before the war. If two years could to that to her she couldn't imagine what difference twenty years would make. Besides, he was clearly over her now, as she had made him promise he would be and the wound that was still fresh for her was decades old for him. No, she was reconciled to the fact that it could never happen between them. But that didn't stop the pain she felt every time she saw him.

Fred Weasley was the only person who seemed to notice how withdrawn she was, he saw the dark circles beginning to form under her eyes after too many sleepless nights. He had a lot of time on his hands now that George and Angelina had become "serious" and they had bumped into each other more than once late at night wandering around the Burrow.

"You know mum wants to throw you a welcome back party?" It was past midnight again and they had bumped into each other in the kitchen, he had been in search of a late night snack while she was wandering aimlessly

"She always wants to throw someone a party" she smiled, perching on the window seat and opening a tin of biscuits

"The question is do you want a party?" he asked, pulling a chair up so that he could sit opposite her and reaching into the biscuit tin too

She shrugged and stared out of the window, looking pale and thin

"What happened to you? You're so quiet lately. I understand why you wouldn't want to tell Harry, Ron or Ginny, in case they're angry with you afterwards, but I won't judge you at all. So if you want an impartial ear, I'm happy to listen" He reached for another biscuit

She was silent for a moment, debating whether she really felt that she could trust him. Something in his face told her he was being entirely earnest. So she told him. Everything.

It took some time and they had nearly finished all the biscuits by the time she had finished. He sat in silence for a moment, mulling over all that he had been told.

"Well I'm not surprised you needed to tell someone" he said thoughtfully "you say you don't want Remus as he is now?"

She nodded, though even she wasn't one hundred per cent certain of this

"In that case" he put the lid back on the biscuit tin "you need to treat this as you would any normal break up, do whatever makes you feel better"

She looked surprised but he continued

"The war is over, how long are you going to keep living your life for other people? You've sacrificed enough for now; it's time to be a little bit selfish. You'll feel much better afterwards. But first, get some sleep"

She was so startled that she made her way up the stairs without a word. She also slept the first dreamless sleep she had had in weeks and didn't wake up until near lunch time. She spent most of the next day deep in thought…what did she want?

So much of her life had been given over to the war that she had given very little thought to what she was supposed to do afterwards. Then she had been sent back into the past and another year of her life had been dedicated to trying to find a way back. It was with a shock she realised that she had never really allowed herself to live for her own sake. There had always been some higher purpose that she had sacrificed nearly everything to serve. Perhaps Fred had been right; she would only be young once, by her calculations she had about enough money saved from work and her inheritance from her parents to take about 14 months out of ordinary life. She could even travel; go everywhere she had always promised herself she would go some day. Maybe someday had come.

**A/N: There's only one chapter left of this one, I can't believe it! So no preview of the next chapter, you'll just have to wait. I am in the process of refining it now though so hopefully it won't be too long and don't forget that I'm also planning a sequel for this story called 'La Vie En Rose' so keep an eye out for that if you want to read more. **

**On a side note, I recently celebrated my birthday by going on a tour round the Warner Bros Harry Potter Studio. It's expensive but completely amazing (particularly if you're as much of a Potter nerd as me) and definitely worth a visit if you get the opportunity. I have replaced the copy of ****_Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_**** that I lost and now own a huge chocolate Frog and a replica of Professor Snape's wand** (eek).


	28. Chapter 28

_I've looked at love_

_from both sides now_

_from win and lose_

_and still somehow_

_it's love's illusions I recall_

_I really don't know love at all_

Mrs Weasley had always thrown good parties. The bottom floor of Number 12 Grimmauld Place was unrecognisable. The entire order or what was left of it had turned out. Everyone had made an effort too, wearing beautiful dress robes so that the dance floor was a kaleidoscope of swirling jewel colours. The food was divine; the length of one wall had been given over to a buffet table which was groaning with cakes, trifles and other desserts. Another table held so much beautifully prepared savoury food from bread rolls and chicken drumsticks to mini fritattas that Ron had been stood staring at it for half an hour, still unable to decide what to try first.

Hermione had invested in a new dress, but she still felt a little self-conscious. She couldn't remember the last time so many people had travelled any distance just to see her. People whose names she didn't even know had hugged her and told her how glad they were to see her back.

She stood at the edge of the dance floor for a bit, sipping her glass of champagne and smiling as she watched Harry and Ginny dancing. It was like watching Lily and James all over again. The more she thought about it, the more sure she was that she had been right. Although ithad been torture knowing she was leaving them to their deaths it was beginning to dawn on her that there was perhaps a reason for it all. Their lives were short but perfect and they had made way for something this wonderful.

She let her eyes stray around the room, marvelling at how truly lovely it was to see so many smiling faces after all that had happened. Eventually though her gaze came to rest on the couple in the corner, Tonks was giggling at something Remus had just said and he was looking at her in the same way that, twenty years ago, he had looked at Hermione. That was when it really hurt, like a kick to the chest.

And so it was that Hermione found herself staring at her own reflection, willing herself not to cry. It took several minutes before she was certain she could face going back out again. She took another deep breath, opened the door and ran smack into Remus Lupin.

"Oh god I'm so sorry" she gasped, her face turning scarlet

"It's ok" he smiled "I've been meaning to talk to you anyway"

She couldn't think of anything to say in response so she merely followed him to the garden in silence, cursing her inability to find the right words.

"I wanted to say thank you"

She almost jumped "for what?"

"For telling me to move on" she forced a smile and nodded, he continued "I know now that it never could have worked when you came back. It was so difficult to begin with, I thought you were the only girl I would ever love"

Hermione tried to ignore how odd it felt to hear those words coming from her former professor "And then you met Tonks"

He nodded "and I knew why you'd told me to move on" he glanced back at the house and smiled "I'm sure this is weird for you, it's weird for the rest of the order too. It's odd not seeing someone for twenty years and when they come back they're completely unchanged. Not only that but it turns out they were a student of yours" he pulled a photograph from his pocket and handed it to her. "I realised that with all the things you'd sent Harry you'd probably forgotten to keep anything for yourself and it must be difficult with everyone acting as though nothing has changed. After all you did for us I thought you deserved something"

It was a picture she had completely forgotten about. The Marauders crowded into the frame, swamped by their graduation robes and amongst them her own face was grinning back at her. In the centre of the frame she was tucked under the arms of Sirius and Remus and every now and then Sirius would ruffle her hair and she would mock glare at him. The picture Remus would swoop in and kiss her on the cheek, she would giggle and the whole scene would replay again. She couldn't help smiling, remembering that lovely day.

"It'll get easier" he said "but I thought you should have something of your own to keep" with that he was gone

She stood there for a while longer, just smiling at the photo. Maybe this was what closure felt like, she was sure she would miss them less and less as time went on. She tucked the photo in her purse, careful not to bend or fold it. Grabbing a glass of champagne from the kitchen counter and made her way out to the garden where several couples had wandered in search of privacy. she leaned on the railings of the veranda and sipped her drink as she wondered what to do with her life now.

She heard footsteps behind her and realised she had been joined by the Weasley twins "Everything ok?" George asked "you're being missed at your own party" he handed her another glass of champagne

"Yes" she sighed and then turned to Fred "I've been thinking about what you said, about doing things I want to do?"

He nodded "it's about time you did"

She smiled "I want to go and travel and do all the things I've always wanted to do, you were right. It's time to be a little bit selfish"

Just before she went back inside Fred tapped her on the shoulder "I don't suppose you want some company on your adventures?"

**A/N: so it's finished...oh my god. Being a lover of neat happy endings this ending shoes not please me. I am however consoling myself by planning the sequel...La Vie En Rose which I hope to have started by the end of August. Thank you so so much to everyone who has favourited, followed and reviewed this story, it's really meant a lot.**

**Until next time... Toodle pip!**


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